Oliver Graham Black

Oh Oliver.  You came into our lives, the very first minute I knew about you, as a complete surprise and you have continued to keep us on our toes ever since.  Placenta Previa was a thought at 20 weeks.  At 28 weeks I had my first scare.  Then more and more.  Bed rest.  Hospital stays.  Followed by more bed rest.  Thankful for friends and family who have saved us and cared for our babies.  I didn't want to have a C section, but apparently, that's what has to happen in these cases.  So I was scheduled for September 29.  It seemed SO SOON.  Your due date was October 27.  I was going to lobby for at least one more week of keeping you inside.  36 weeks was just too early.

And then it happened.  The scariest night of my life.  Ambulance rides.  Fear.  Hoping Griffin didn't wake up to the ambulance and fire truck and mommy being carried out on a stretcher.  A scary ride.  would you be ok?  Would I be ok?  would they EVER FIND MY FREAKIN VEINS?  Seriously, they stuck me 8 times before being able to do that.  My dr came and said there was no reason to chance prolonging anything.  It wasn't safe for me.  It wasn't safe for you.  Today was the day.  SO I waited and waited.  I was prepped for the C section.  My heart rate dropped to almost nothing.  They brought me back and within minutes I heard your tiny tiny baby kitten cry.  This is not to say that it wasn't loud, because it was.  I cried tears of joy and thanksgiving because you were crying.  Because I knew you were there and alive.  (now give me my damn baby.)  And they couldn't.  You peed all over the nurses three times.  (good one, bud.)  I kissed your sweet face.  I marveled at how you looked like your brothers. I marveled at how you were the tiniest piece of perfection I had ever seen.  Then you were whisked away.  I was left to sit and listen to Dr's talk about their personal lives and sit quietly and wonder about you.  To long for you.  To be in fear for you.

I was sent off to recovery alone.  Itchy and alone.  So itchy.  Thanks pain meds.  Kidding, I wouldn't have made it without you.  Kiss kiss.

Time frames get a little jumbled here... I saw you in the NICU after I had been checked into my room.  After I pumped?  Maybe?  I'm not sure.  They let me hold you for one second.

On September 10, 2014 you were born at 33 weeks and 4 days.  You weighed 4 lbs and 7 oz when you were born.  You were 17 and 3/4 inches.  You were screaming at 10:38 am.

I just wanted you.  I want you.  I want to hold you when I want and kiss you when I want and love on you when I want.  You have been doing great.  You are off of oxygen.  You are off the bili lights.  You are now off of the IV.  We have gotten to nurse 4x.  you are learning with a bottle.  I pump like mad.  (because lets be real... milk production is all I have going for me.)  I want you home.  I get to hold you at noon and 3 and 9.

You, my baby, are a tiny miracle who continually keeps us on our toes.  You are a perfect blend of your brothers.  You have hair.  Brown and maybe curly?  It's also receding.  It's a great look on your tiny head.  You make the best faces.  I go before our touch times to the NICU and watch you sleep every day.  I don't mind hearing you cry.  It's the cutest sound.  You love to hold hands.  It immediately calms you.  During our skin to skin you snuggle me so contently.  I think you'd stay there for hours, but the nurses take you away at some point and I have to stand up at some point.

Mama's have a need for their babies.  This mama has a need for her baby.  I have to get a room ready.  I have clothes waiting on you to come home.  You have brothers who cannot wait to see you.  One who desperately wants to hold you and see you... the other one just pats on my belly and says, "Baby?"  (no meyer, now I'm just fat.)  But this post isn't about me, really.  That's for another time.

You are so sweet.  You have the chin dimple that seals you to our family.  You complete us.

Oliver Graham.  Ollie G.  The OG.  Biggie Smalls.  We love you with all we have to love.  We hoped for a tiny  miracle and you, my baby, are making it happen.  More pictures to come.  Be prepared.  We think you're kind of amazing.