Friday, October 28, 2011

Horse lady?

You know... horse ladies? Or is that only in Tejas? The ladies who wear saddle jackets, haven't cut their hair in ten years and have a long arse pony tail that makes me question their bathrooming germs and their clogged drains. I'm just sayin'.

So my sister said it's cute. I can't decide. And yes, those are jeggings. I gave in. I bought them. They are amazingly comfortable. My thighs may look like they have elephantitis, but who's counting? Right? Or some other sort of saying that's probably more appropriate--like a stuffed pork casing?

I bought my tall boots though... and only have non skinny jeans (because of my gigantic hips and fear of the mom jean.) SO what do you think? Cute? not cute? know my horses?

do not judge the crazy hair. I'm tired, yo.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Bedazzle a pumpkins? Why not?

I've been puffy painting. I'm addicted. And my thumb hurts so much that it hurts to type. Apparently my puffy paint muscles have not been worked out since the early 90's. Now that I look at the picture I see clear areas that need towrk. Like... lots more black dots, but y'all it's been like two-a-days up in here. Meaning, I did the silver then went back for the black, then ate dinner, then went back for more black. So three a days--which is just crazy. Who doesn't love a bedazzled pumpkin?

Other part of my day started around 3:30 when the vaccinations (clearly, they are evil) woke up my baby and made him scream, have advil, go to sleep for an hour and then wake up unconsolably screaming some more. Sleep. Go to daycare. Come home early from day care, nap, scream, scream, scream, 20 mins before Ben gets home be totally happy and fine. Of course. I considered the reverse nurse. Can you go back once you've quit? Because lambie wasn't cutting it. He doesn't take a paci. I hate to introduce one now; and don't think it would work anyway. My tiny pancake mom boobs probably wouldn't hold attention for long anyway. Sigh. He's so sweet and cute though. I'm letting it go.

Ben got home and I said, "Mama needs to peace out." Him: "Where are you going?" Me: "No clue." I visited DSW to see if I could find the boots I ordered, but of course, walked around overwhelmed and aimlessly because there are SO MANY EFFING SHOES. I know, my dream, right? But no. It's too much. I did find a pair of ridiculous turqoise shoes for <$100... I wanted them. Bad.  But I left them where they belong--in the interrogation lighting with other people who seem perfectly comfortable there.

So I left and went to JoAnn's, bought puffy paint, considered yarn for a wreath, bought ribbon and then to Spec's for a box o' wine.  I'm a classy lady, guys.  Cla-ssy.  And have regained my sanity.

And finally, how hilarious is this?  Subs "mama" for "dada."  Welcome to my life.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

15 month competition (check up)

Weight: 23.3 lbs (50%)
Height: 31 inches (50%)
Head: 47.1 cm (55%)

Perfectly normal.  love it.  Y'all he's cute.  So cute.  So happy.  This baby LOVES to climb on things.  Likes to say "uh oh", dog, cat, blue, toes, nose, eyes, eat, no no no, yah (working on yes, please), up, down, mama, dada, maggie, Jenny, squirrel, bird, o's (cheerios), hush (to goodnight moon), bye bye, mmmm (kisses), belly button, outside, slide, book, and so many other things that I know I'm missing.  The doctor asked if he called us by name and had 4-5 other words.  
I went all Charlie Sheen on her ass in my mind and was like hells yes, my baby is a genius because he can point out body parts.  For a week he thought only I had a belly button and so would lift up my shirt--for strangers.  
He's a climber (sorry Ben... those are my genes.)  he's a lover.  Loves to pat pat pat us.  He's like the sweetest best baby ever (which our dr. then told us we would have a difficult next child--at which I think she should not say this.)  He looks adorable in jeans.  It's still effing hot here so he wears them like 1x a month.  Loves the pool.  LOVES to slide.  Loves to put on make up with me in the mornings.  He carries around a make up brush and pretends.  
He says "yah" a lot when you ask him questions.  Which we repeat "yes, please" but it's SO ADORABLE.  
Pretty much, we love him.  A lot.  

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

A serious question y'all...

which boots do I choose?  The thing is... I have large cow like calves.  So we must keep this in mind that should my circulation at Elsie I will basically lose my legs.


or these?

The longer I wait to decide... the longer it takes for me to receive them.  So, I'm going to need help.  Now.

Monday, October 24, 2011


So today is my birthday.  I'm 32.  Which is kind of annoying because until Saturday night I thought I was turning 31?  I'm not sure where that year went?  I lost it somehow.  Memory loss is already happening.  But let me tell you about the awesome things that have already happened today--

1.  G$ slept in until 7:20 (which kind of stinks because I use him as my alarm clock and so I got up and Abby's flying fairy school was already on!  This is how I know if I'm late.  Where we are in the Street.)
2.  Sleeping in because Ben forced multiple amazing cocktails on me last night.  Seriously.  Amazing.  He infused vodka with some chiles and then broiled strawberries and pureed them and then put in mint and lime and soda.  So so good.
3.  He wrote on the mirror last night so I woke up to it this morning.  Cute.  (minus my having to clean it)
4.  Dogs are groomed.  No more maggie bringing in leaves.  YESSSSSSSSSssss
5.  G and I were reading Goodnight Moon before nap time and it was the first time that he looked at me and said "hush" in the right spot!  My heart about stopped.  I wanted to document it.  Cutest.  thing.  Ever.
6.  A friend left fresh cookies at my door.
7.  And some guy who was selling cleaning products knocked on my door forever and I finally answered and he wanted to prove that there were no chemicals and he licked the spray bottle inside spouty thing.

Ok, that last one is not awesome as much as totally weird.  But It happened.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

self conscious?

So I read blogs.  I pretend we are friends and I'm invested in your lives (in a creepy non-stalkery kind of way.)  I was kind of sad to be away (not really) because catching up on your lives is way more important than catching up on laundry or unpacking my suitcase and I'm STILL BEHIND (on your lives... and the laundry.  And I keep taking clothes out of the suitcase to wear... so at some point it should be empty.)

So I go to read someone's blog only to find I've been REJECTED.  Rejected.  Like that one time I didn't get the job at banana republic for the holidays (even though I proudly told them I was going to be gone for 2 weeks for christmas/new years.)  How could they not want me? 

So I know it doesn't matter.  I should not have my feelings hurt.  And I should definitely stop checking to see if they have added me because they missed this glaring mistake.  What?  Crazy?  Need sleep?  Need those molars to just stop growing or to be full on teeth?  Yes.  I need that. 

I also need new boots.  (This is not at all connected to the other.)

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

The race.

We found my name on the Nike town wall.  Only 23,000 of us.  No big deal.
Our Austin Group.  Niketown sign.  Start line.
 Me and Ben. Mile 10.  Golden gate photos.  Tiffany's finishers medal!

In the ocean.  Ice bath for my... feet only.  Ladies celebration.  YAY!

So the weather was ah-mazing.  It was early.  With 23k of my new bff's.  I say that because you can only be so close with strangers.  We were packed in there for realz.  It's a beautiful run.  Even the entire uphill mile 6. Gorgeous.  I chose to run with another girl from my team because I didn't care about my time and would rather run with someone else.  We also stopped to take pictures.  Like, five times.  

The cortisone shot worked like a charm.  It's achy, but fine.  We get Tiffany's necklaces handed out by SF firemen in tuxes at the end of the race.  Which sounds dreamy, minus my bff's all stopping for the photo op.  Move biatches.  I kid.  I kid.  Kind of.  

The ocean felt amazeballs.  I heard some guy propose to his gf at the finish line.  I finished at the same time as the first marathon runner (because it took me at least 30 ish mins to start the race and then a bazillion miles of weaving in and out of people.  Oh, and you know because I'm not fast and the pictures.)

Next time I'll post pics of our funsie time (what it was all about.)  Let me say... it involves like 95 pics of me pretending to be on ANTM.  Turns out that little leap they do is harder than it looks.  

I was the top fundraiser for my team which leads to presents.  I got an awesome Nike half zip, get a nike jacket, new jersey, etc.  Over 118 mill raised for LLS.  Kind of life changing--for a lot of people.  

Friday, October 14, 2011

On our way.

To San Francisco. Right now. Well, actually since about 4 am. My IT band is hurting like a mofo, but injected with some cortisone and will hopefully miraculously recover by... Yesterday. Oh well. At least I will hurt like a mofo in California.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

We went ouuuuuuuuutttt last night.

The Big B and I.  We went OUT.  On date to a wedding.  The two of us.  With a baby sitter.  Well, the babysitter was at home, but the two of us went to a wedding.  You follow me?  It was also RAINING?!   Y'all.  It hasn't rained here in like 9 months.  We drove around today and talked about how it LOOKS like fall and the leaves are changing, but it's more that trees are dying.  It even kind of feels like fall (low 70's.)  FINALLY.

In other news, I felt the need to document our leaving the house when both dressed nicely and me wearing makeup AND fixing ish my hair.  wha wha?

Yah.  Car pictures.  We're there.

I think he felt awkward.

Go-go gadget arm?  That arm looks creeptastic.  And maybe I have a Jay Leno chin.  Happens.  AT LEAST I HAVE A CHIN.  This is advancement from my chineck.

Pre-Ceremony.  Lock it up.  Click it or ticket.  Don't mess with Texas.  Other things.

The couple.  Beauty.  I love a wedding couple.  (I want a new wedding dress.)

Shine factor?  High.  Fun-factor?  vodka soda 2 limes.

This picture was requested.  Odd.  I thought so at the time, too.  You probs can't tell on my face.  It's there.  In my highly allergic eyes. 

Turned this one black and white.  I'm apparently allergic to my new mascara.  Eyes burning.  Painful.  Before we left the house.  The lashes looked good though so I let it go.  Suffered.  In whining teary complainingness silence. 

Go-go gadget lips?  Crazy eyes.  Gigantic teeth.

This is us.  Fancy.  Out.  Home by 10:30. 

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Guess who?

Trick or treat.  Are you surprised?  It's G$ or Mustachio as I like to call him.

I like to tease Ben about his 'stache.  Now we know that G def gets his facial hair from me.  

Wednesday, October 5, 2011


This post is going to be all over the place.  Fo' sho.
1.  If I have learned anything from TV it's that Nick JR is the same as preschool.  And because I want G$ to be smart I turned it on this afternoon (it was the preschool thing.  nothing to do with the fact that he was super whiny.)  No lie.  I counted 14 commercials.  In a row.  If he were a stay at home he'd desperately want some proactive.
2.  Then word girl was on (which I kind of like) until it got to this kid who said his favorite word is "cracker."  This kid will not have friends.  Until he is quirky.

G's name was almost Graham, until I put on my middle school boy thinking cap and figured out he'd been Graham Cracker Black and that's just not good because well, we are like the epitome of "stuff white people like" and our last name is black and well we like to use the term Cracker jokingly at our house.  Random.  Yes.  Ben told me that video wasn't funny.  Clearly he did not have a cocktail at 2:30 and watch wordgirl.  It IS funny.

Next on the list--I went for some facial waxing last night and the girl used a cotton ball and oil to clean off the remaining wax (recall... when I tried to do this myself and couldn't get the wax off.  awesome)  Anyway, worst.  feeling.  ever.  Cotton ball falling apart.  On your face.  And you can hear it.  I almost gagged and asked her to leave it all.  Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm texture issues much?

G$'s first sit on the "man couch" at Ann Taylor Loft.  He's all, "Mom.  it's fine.  No, the first one.  No, you don't look fat.  Can we go chase birds soon?"  Snacks.  A purse.  And a little sale from banana on the side.  That's my kind of guy.  This was after we went to cookie time at Ben's work.  Um, I said cookie time.  They have fresh baked cookies everyday at 3.  We don't go more often because usually I'm not presentable by 2 (meaning I've lost my over the shoulder bolder holder and am probably wearing pj's, my dirty hair is back and my makeup has disappeared.)  We were in good form the other day though!

And finally.  Griffin asks, "Does this sweaty band make me look fat?"

Monday, October 3, 2011

Too 1997?

So I've been known to go all Paris Hilton on 2 things (meaning slutsville)--beauty products and jeans. I got talked into these jeans at j.crew on Sunday*. Are they too 1997? Because I'm relatively sure I had a pair that looked like this from the Gap that year. I have dark jeans so I was thinking these are more casual? Ug, I don't know. I'm a little hippy so the faded in the thighs/hips isn't great on me.

Do I return? Or keep? I'm poor at decisions.

*Please note that "being talked into" simply means that the sales girl said, "those look cute on you."  And, because I've recently** had a baby I'm looking for things that fit my body.
**And by recently, I meant 14 months ago but I'm holding onto it until I have another baby at which point I will have just had that baby.  This works in the reasoning world, right?

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Saturday, October 1, 2011

Why are you smiling?

Because it's the first time I've ever seen you look ugly.

It kind of makes me happy.

OMG.  Just watching Bridesmaids for the first time.

I also just had to recount to my mom my story about how I'm the crazy wacked lady at the park.  I'm the lady who asked kids to clean up their language.  And made them run away.

I.  Am.  Awesome.


As in "booty tooch."  That's what Tyra has deemed her new phrase for this episode.  So I posted about words I want to take on and now I'm considering, "what if I just pick up Tyra words?"  Then I start saying thinks like Dreckitude and booty tooch and "ladies, stands before me..." and then go all gangsta and what not.  Just a thought.  We'll see what happens.

But in more semi-hippiness factor G$ and I went to the farmer's market this morning.  We got some loot.  Some ground beef, a steak, mushrooms, eggs, zucchini blossoms, tomaters, zucchini, some cracked black pepper fresh pasta, a black bean and goat cheese tamale, iced coffee and listened to some music.

And a little park time.  Check it.