Thursday, September 25, 2008
Always and Forever--Cory Morrow
I need you cause I love you always and forever
And I love you cause I've known you always and forever
well time it flys and time it runs by
and time will run out on us soon
your eyes filled with tearsf rom fighting your fears
searching for who you are and I will be here waiting my dear
always and forever
I need you cause I love you
always and forever
well I love you cause I've known you
always and forever
The moon and stars and the sun stretches far shining for all to veiw
eternally bound they light up the ground never once being untrue
and you are for me a light which I need
always and forever
I need you cause I love you
always and forever
and I love you cause I've known you
always and forever
always and forever
Moving on. SO last night, I was in bed (at 10:30, but I can blame this on the bottle of wine we shared at sushi) and my mom called me. She had just seen somethinig on the news that I HAD to go see. So, I have grown up in a small town church in the UMC and actually am still a member there, though I've been gone for 10 years. Yah, I know... that should be changed. Anyway, neither here nor there in this sitch. So, in the UMC our pastors move. Their current one has been there for 2 years. He's not on my list of topics for the day, though. The PREVIOUS one, the one I knwe as a counselor at senior high camp while a high school student, the one who came to the church with his boring wife and 2 unruly, yet adorable children, the one who for the last 2 years has been at another church, adopted a foreign daughter, and been involved in a group process with TMF.... has been arrested on charges of child pornography. What? Channel 8 says on suspicions of... but they have pretty documented info.
SVU language--um, he's been on some chat room and isn't smart enough to change his email addres and the rather attractive female investigator has been pretending to be either a. into it as well or b. the child.
Real life--he is being arraigned today and I suppose that this will provide more information for the general public.
I am distressed and disturbed. I mean, yes, I watch all types of Law and Order and yes I know taht there is also infedelity, I know that people kill people, and I know that people steal, but I don't KNOW it. Imean, I do. I'm not completely niave. These things just do not typically happen in my world (well, except my con-cousin... different posting all together. Probably one that involves him telling my mom when she asked why he is in jail, "I steal cars. That's what I do.") Anyway... back to this topsyturvy world.
UM WHAT? A. the pic they have of him online is totally creepster. B. They arrested him AT the church. I think that's kind of crap, but whatevs.
Kind of lucky/unlucky for him... the church is rallying behind him. They can't believe it's true.. and hopefully it isn't. But, in their rallyng behind him and it is true... this is devastation. Devastation anyawy because it's happening, but also because hope, faith, and trust have been broken. I believe that we are all created to be good. I don't believe in hell, (no stick me with the theologians who believe in the void... one in particular whom I couldn't get through systematics wtihout.) Dang you free will. Dang you choice. Dang you who are created in the Imago Dei and also have mental discrepencies that hurt so many more than yourself. I pray this isn't true. but in reality, when their is substantial evidence, it probably is. It has yet to be determined if he was viewing this or creating it. Ick. Either way, Ick.
So here we sit in the despair. He were sit in the time of wait. The time when there is still hope for the part of the world that we've created in our minds to be true. Here is the time where we sit with that... and in the part of the world that we fear to be true. Here we sit in our selfishness--How does this affect me and my faith? Here we sit in the protection of others--What about his children? What about his wife? What about every person who has ever trusted him as a fearless leader?
Here we also begin to wrestle with the image of a Reverend. We have expectations of their call, of their morality, of their ability to protect and control situations. Here is when we begin to recognize that people are people. People are not perfect--even pastors. Here we begin to wonder, as a congregation as humankind, if we create so much pressure for those we hold in leadership positions that they simply can't make it. No, I'm not saying this is anyone elses fault. I'm saying we need to care for everyone... everyone needs someone to care for them and to not just be caring for others.
I'm not quite sure how to end this post.... I'm not sure why I am even writing about it. I suppose it is a deep sadness that I feel for the world. Ben and I discussed that there are so many positions within the church/social work arena for which I would be good... but it would ruin my life because I can't handle it. I dont' think I'd lose my view of God in others. I just have hypochondria (I have had many many illnesses not limited to avian flu, west nile, ebola, ecoli, and the chicken pox--that one is real) ... and sympathetic hypchondria to be exact. I ache with others. I'm a sympathetic cryer. This is me--I view myself as a general emotions in check, don't show a lot, but then when deeply pained others or others whom I deeply care for are hurt, it's all on.
Ok. I have to stop writing. I have to keep my internet on full alert of any more information regarding this situation. I have to go back to work...
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Yes, I just said that. I'd like to blame all of this early to bedding on training for a marathon--I get up early, I excercise, bla bla bla... but the truth of the matter is... I've always gone to bed early (kind of.) I like lay in bed and read or watch scrubs before I sleep. I am currently enjoying my newest Texas Monthly with a beautiful picture of my secret lover on the cover.
I know some youngsters (I can call them this now that I'm old) that really think that married people are boring and lame. And then, Ben and I will remind them that we are indeed married, and most likely more fun than them (that last part doesn't really happen--but I think it) and they say things like, "Oh... ya'll aren't normal married people." Um, are married people everywhere giving us a bad name? And now I am joining the list as an oldie, but a goodie as my bed time nears the news hour? Does this also give me the excuse to tell people what I think of them and blame it on my age? (PS, 29 in like one month) And yes, I did just tell my husband I probably won't join him and his friends for a drink tonight because HOUSE is on. I mean, they don't meet until 8:30ish and I have to BE at track practice at 6 AM... which means about a 5:20 awake time. These are the same people that don't start parties until like 10 or something crazy. I know I know... In college we did this all the time. I'm run down. My liver doesn't function like it used to. People notice if I don't show up for work. I DO need to shower before coming in (febreeze, just doesn't do the trick.) I actually have things to do on Saturadys like running and laundry and going to bed bath and beyond if I have time.
SO there has it. I am giving a bad name to the marrieds. I'm affirming the thoughts that we are old and boring. But hey... I'm training for a marathon.
Monday, September 22, 2008
I died a little around mile 13. Seriously. We had just run past Hyde Park Cafe and Had 5 miles to go and I think a little death settled in. I had my 3rd chocolage outrage gu at mile 13 (one for breakfast, one around mile 7 and the final at 13). I was hoping to hold out until 15, but again... I think perhaps Jesus may live in the chocolate outrage. I believe in it. So there I was trotting along about 1.5 miles from the end of the run with my friend Stacy and here comes this guy runing past us in... I kid you not... grey boxer briefs. Hilarious. I feel for the children he was running towards, but a funny sight to behold nonetheless. I finished. I finished in about 3 hours and 15 minutes. This is not a quick pace, mind you. it's actually a lot slower than I'd like to admit. I think I'm letting it slide because it aws a long distance. I tell myself that should it be a much much shorter distance I would have gone much faster. we'll see. My initial goal for this marathon is to complete it. Simply cross the finish line. My real goal, though is to finish under 4 hours and 15 minutes. NOt sure that this is a possability, but I want it to be.
I came home and ice bathed for 20 minutes (which again... I think JC may reside in the theraputicness of the ice bath) and then headed to La Morada to eat sloppy nachos. I have been wanting to try these amazing nachos for quite some time, and today I gave myself the chance. They were amazing (despite the fact that It was hard for me to walk and get in/out of Ben's jeep.) They were glorious chips covered in queso (not just cheese), jalapenos, tomatoes, onions, and fajita meat. I have favorite nachos at Jocks n Jills in the ATL and these came close!! I went home, napped, showered, got dressed and we went to tailgating for the RICE vs UT game. I had some delusion prior that I could wear heals to this event. Negative. We had to park and walk and I would have cursed life if I had to do that. Than goodness for the flops. It was a nice time. I also ate a hamburger. Not going to lie I think I consumed more calories than burned on this day. No worries as I was in bed by 10:30 that night. I'm awesome. Awesomely lame.
Sunday was great. We didn't do a whole lot. We went to Whole Foods and ate lunch and watched as Mecca (WF's) called to extremey cute and extremly pregnat women. Then we went to REI and wandered around and I got a light to run with and a new BPA free nalgene. I'm sure that I'm healthier. It's also pink. It's my first venture into the narrow mouth naglene. I'm a fan.
Anyway, so that's that. Tonight we volunteer with teh college bible study. It's ok, and all... but really far away from our house (again, read more than 10 miles) and they don't start until 9:30 PM. If this were mentioned in the original information I would not be doing this. I'm old. I'm married. I go to bed early :) What can I say?
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
So now I sit here at work... with a slight pain in my arse because of the miraculous work that happened yesterday. I ran this morning and I could tell a definite difference... and, it was COLD this morning at track practice! And it was dark. I believe this is all contributing to my exhaustion today. That and ugly hair. Ok, that doesn't make me tired, but it makes me look very melon headish. Not attractive by any means.
And, just so you are aware, my race is only 2 months from yesterday. The crazy thing is that by that time I will have been training for 6 MONTHS. That's half a year in human time. Maybe I'll change my name to Pecola and Toni Morrison can write another book about how all I want is a long skinny runners body and it will happen. I'm pretty sure she has the ability to do this, only this time without the racism, molestation, abuse. This time we'll include other pains like 4 hour runs, crazy humidity, and an insatiable appetite. I think perhaps I'm ruining a true literary genius by my cloudy mind. Forgive me.
Um, and to close my little tale... why the hell on "proposed labels" is one of the options "scooters?". Weird. Is it like on facebook where the ad on mine says something like "28 and need to lose weight?" Is it telling me I need a scooter?
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
I am a planner. I admit it. I'm a planner ESPECIALLY when other people are relying on me. I read yesterday that perhaps I am one of the people who agonize a bit too much over decisions and do too much research so then I debate and take more time than should be taken to make a person optimally happy. I'm not sure where this research took place, but that is the category into which I fall. It works for me.. and it works out for me... ultimately finding good deals and being aware of options. At least i HAVE options.
Ug. I guess it all falls down to respecting other persons (or at least I say it falls to this because I like to think that I respect other peoples--opinions, time, finances etc.) Aka.. I don't think any meeting should last more than an hour. If you are being efficient all things should be taken care of by then. If not, hold a follow up meeting. As a friend says... all meetings should be done standing up.
So now my mom is out there reserving away on hotel options... so she has choices. I am now sitting and waiting for the response from the person who is "in charge" of these arrangements. I want to see how this goes. Arg. I know. Harsh words.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Anywho, a little description on the things on my list that are in random order other than
1. Ben, Giz, and the Mags.
2. Target. If could only shop one place for the rest of my life it would be super target. They have everything I need.
3. Sprinkles Fro-Yo. I've described in previous posts my affinity for the frozen yogurt. This place is amazing. 6 rotating taps of yogurt and like 50 different topping options (some healthy)
4. Maru- Ben and I eat here basically once a week. it's good, cheap sushi and BYOB. which brings me to
5. Wine. I like it.
6. Cheeses. Love them.
7. Team in Training-this is such an inspirational group and I love the concept and all the ladies I've met!
8. Kitchenaid stand mixer. mmm dreamy
9. real simple magazine--because yes, I am a 35 year old woman longing to find uses for the ordinary to make them extraordinary
10. picture of sushi--redundant. I apologize.
11. Nike Tempo Track shorts. I love the colors and the way they fit.
12. Nike +. it works with my ipod to track my runs, my distance, my average pace, calories etc. Don't leave home (running) without it.
13. Curel original- This lotion is awesome. I read about it years ago, or maybe heard about it on the View or something. Lots of hospitals use it. It keeps my skin soft.
14. Citizens of Humanity jeans. Love jeans. Love these jeans.
15. Dr. Wiels Face Serum from Origins. This product is expensive, but lasts fo-eva. It's amazing and I don't want to give it up.
16. Laura Geller baked balance and brighten, bronze and brighten and the blush (that I can't remember the name.) This is a great face care product that's sheer-medium coverage and mineral makeup.
17. Laura Geller eye spackle--it is a great eye base that makes your eye makeup last ALL day. Loves it.
I could think of many more "things I like" but I'll stop here.
Where God closes a door somewhere he opens a window.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Anyway, I said I wasn't going to write about that BECAUSE.... It's September 11, 2008. On September 11, 2001 I was a senior in college. I lived in an apartment in Dallas--the village--with my roommate Carrie. Oh the shinanigans. Her mom called us that morning to wake us up to turn on the news. Then, in that instant, we joined the entire world in staring blankly into a screen watching the same scenes replay before us. I hadn't done this since I was 6 years old and we watched and re-watched, and then watched the punky brewster episode about the Challenger. Devastation. How do we learn to deal with the tragedy? Are we equipped? Yes and no. I think our downfall, other than non mentioned presidential candidates and their clan, is that we try to "fix" it. In all actuality sitting through the grief, leaning on one another, being present in the pain, is the way in which we learn to deal--and hopefully not dwell. There is no time limit. How many times have you been in a disasterous place, or even, just a random upsetting time and you just want someone to listen and not offer advice, but they want to "fix it"? My mom is a perfect example. But then again, I suppose that proves her love towards me--because in my acts of love, I also do not want those whom I love to feel the pain and dispair that is associated with loss. I think as humankind, this is our nature, and probably nurture. In my opinion, is is the proof that we are indeed created in the Image. We have been created out of a love that then sits and resides, and resonates. We celebrate together in our joys, but we join in resilience in our sorrows. This is where we see the Divine in the faces and embraces of one another. But where is that Presence, and where is that face for those whom feel the effects such as 9/11? I can't speak for them, but I do hope they see it not in the history books, not on Oprah, but in the way we have embraced this as our lives and we have sat, been present, and then elarned to deal. I have friends whose anniversary is September 11. I first thought... yikes-o. However, Peter Seeger (ok, and maybe Ecclesiastes) taught us to turn turn turn. Ok, perhaps those are the biblical words, but I bet you're now singing it!
I know I don't typically write much about my faith, and simply judge the conservies for theirs, and I'm sure Ill be judged solidly for this. That's ok. Today is a day to grieve. Today is a day to celebrate. Today is a day I remember staring at the tv. Today is the day that all SMU classes were cancelled beacuse we couldn't leave our houses... And today is the anniversary of going to meet my friend Dave at Jason's Deli to discuss going to seminary. Today is a historical day. Today is our past. Today, is our present, and tomorrow is our future. A time to build up, a time to break down...a time for every matter under heaven.
Friday, September 5, 2008
I have also been at my job for a little over a month. It's going well, I'm still learning what I'm doing. I also learned that beginning on the 15th I have to start dressing "professionally." Problem. I don't have that many "professional clothes" or shoes. Suck. I attempted to find things today, but basically on succeeded in purchasing Ben clothes. So, feel free to mail me things. Um, and can we discuss who the heck wears panty hose any more? I think we are supposed to wear them when our summer clothing is over/professional attire begins. I'm sure that this is sexist somehow. I haven't worn panty hose in fo-eva. I don't even attempt to wear spanx anymore because I can't breathe when I have them on--which I suppose is their purpose.
I got a haircut last night. Um, I was sitting in the chair singing the praises of Ryan, my stylist, loving him. Then, he just kept cutting. I kind of have bangs all the way around my head. Ben says it's cute. I say... holy crap I have a high school reunion rapidly approaching. I need to be cuter than I was in high school. This is not going to happen if I have bang head. boo. Not much of a way to remedy this. Perhaps hats will be in style and it will be hot?
Training is... going. It's so freakin hot outside. Well, that and my legs are hurting. I'm not sure what's going on so to fix it I've been eating more frozen yogurt. This is making my bones stronger I'm sure. I don't think that the problem is my bones though, I think it's the muscles. After much research today (maybe 3 minutes) I found that my butt muscles aren't strong enough. I'm not entirely sure that this is actually true, but it was the first thing I found.
AND now... a list of some things I love--in no particular order
My dogs, diorshow mascara, laura geller eye spackle, laura geller mineral makeup, good jeans, nephews, friends, wine, sushi, sake, the whole dining experience, running, buying clothes, flip flops, cool weather, clean sheets, reading a good book, having my head massaged, a normal massage, sleeping in, vacation, fruit... ok, I"m tired of thinking.