Sunday, January 18, 2015

The stay at home mom yoga pant sitch explained.

There she is... you judge her in her black yoga pants.  Life of luxury, really.  The stay at home mom.  I get it.  There are the ones who have the personal trainer, the nanny, the house cleaner, the lunches, the ones who go to the bathroom all alone.  I think they are probably few and far between, so the rest of us fall somewhere between there.  Recently I had a friend judge the SAHM crew when she, herself was at lunch mid-day.

1.  The ultimate--she worked out that morning and hasn't yet had time to shower and is therefore still in workout gear.  She is also conserving laundry so will just wear the same thing until that shower happens.

2.  The hopeful-she HOPES to workout and so is putting on her workout gear in hopes she will be motivated or have 5 minutes.  Granted, she may use those 5 minutes to poop.

3.  The work out clothes are made of elastic/spandex... which gives you extra time to pull up your pants really quickly when all of a sudden the rest of the house gets quiet or you hear a big crash and your 2 year old say, "uh-oh."  Who has time for buttons?

4.  Nothing fits after having these babies.  Black is slimming.  Black hides grubby finger prints.  Black spandex is mostly wipeable--even spit up.

5.  There hasn't been time to shower in the last few days so she appears to have sweaty work out hair, but realistically, it's just grease.  Go with it.  She deserves that starbucks drink.

6.  She is meeting her friends for lunch, because if she doesn't have a normal conversation soon she may forget that she actually knows how to talk, or hear about the world, or for someone else to know she exists.  So yes, it's a nice place to meet her friends, it may be quiet, she may be wearing yoga pants and jewelry because, well, this is as fancy as she is going to get for the next 6 months--might as well show off that stuff that you used to wear on all those nights out.  Bonus--no small child with you to casually yank on your earring and say "EAAWWING!"  Or pull on, and break, that necklace.

7.  Her mind is tired.  She actually forgot that she owns clothes are not made of elastic.  Someone called last minute and she had to get out of the house so she said, "yep, this looks decent enough--let me put on some jewelry in hopes that I'm both noticed and go unnoticed."

So there you have it.  The real life of the SAHM.  Don't judge--too much.  She appreciates you for what you do, so lets not judge her for what she does... or doesn't do... like laundry.  or wearing real pants.  SUCKAS

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