Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever

this is hilarious.

I don't know if I've sent these out before, but these are actual metaphors used by high school English students from across the country. They make me laugh each time I read them:
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its twosides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking allianceslike underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience,like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipsewithout one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes aroundthe country speaking at high schools about the dangers of lookingat a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he wasroom-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dogmakes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegratedbecause of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like asurcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way abowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bagfilled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had aneerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in anothercity and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots whenyou fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers racedacross the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains,one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, theother from Topeka at4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picketfences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirdswho had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she wasthe East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap,only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlikePhil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from noteating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from steppingon a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended oneslender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids aroundwith power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heardbells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.