Thursday, February 12, 2015

Life with three

Life with three kids is crazy.  With 2 kids I managed to keep our house all clean and mostly organized and did things like arts and crafts with my kids.  And I went to work.  Um, what?  Right now, post retirement, I feel like I sit never, clean never, do arts projects infrequently.  I feel like no one gets any attention.  I love all of you.  I can't wait on bed time.  When it gets to bed time I ache for you and lament everything I've done wrong that day and how I didn't hold you enough.  All of you.

Our house is messy.  We have piles of laundry which I swore I wouldn't have.  I stay until you are asleep.  I feed you quickly.  I let you get by with a lot of things.  Sometimes you learn how to sneak into our bed and I let you.  You are each growing and I hate it and I love it because I get to see the little people you are becoming.

I wonder if you could ever know the love I have for you.  Sometimes I wonder if you have lost your minds because you are screaming.  Sometimes I wonder if the world will learn to cherish you like I do.  Mostly, I know that the world won't and I hate to share you with the world.  I keep thinking that i need a night away or a full night of sleep, but when I think about leaving you I get sad.

I have great aspirations of making miracles for you, but right now, I feel like I'm failing at that.  But I love you.  a lot.  Even when you lose your minds and I know mine is already gone.

Don't change.  Keep changing.  Never settle for less than miracles.


Sarah K said...

The first 6 months of Piper's life were a haze. A blur. A shitstorm. Crazytown. I was a nut job. An impatient, emotional bomb about to go off at any given moment. One year later, I can tell you that it gets so much better. Easier? Meh. Not so sure about that. But you learn to manage it better and you slowly become the parent that you once were. Happier. Calmer. Craftier. You got this, Mama.

A.B. said...

sarah... I'm holding you to this!