Wrinkles.

I like to combat them.  Well, that comes and goes.  My desire to not have them remains, but my strategy against them isn't always amazing.

However, I've been hearing, (reading on the interwebs,) about the miracle cures of coconut oil.  Specifically, this one.  It will change your life.  Take away your wrinkles.  Moisturize your hair.  Make you not have to get your face waxed off.  (It doesn't say that, but I wish it did.)  I do not have an extreme facial cleansing system.  It's really basic grocery store stuff--minus this stuff the lady at sephora told me I needed and I'm sure that I did... do.

I await the day that G says "wassat, mommy" and points to the deep creases in my forehead and I'll say, "those are your fault."  Mostly, because I'm all about being honest.

She's a cold hearted snake.

Today I found myself googling something like "my toddler kicks me every effing time I change his diaper and it makes me want to beat him (but I don't) and then he smiles really big and says chorry, mommy.  WHAT THE HELL DO I DO?"  That is a loose interpretation.  And yes, he says "mommy" now.  It started the second he turned 2.  I liked mama.  Whatever.

SO people suggest ignoring him.  Or using the changing pad clasps.  Um, as if that is going to do anything.

So tonight when he did it (to Ben) for the 100 millionth time, you know what I did?

I took away stories.

HE LOST HIS SHIT.  So remember my miracle child from this morning?  Yah, I just added one more year of therapy because I stole his childhood.  I mean, he was basically yelling, "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME.  You hate literature.  You are basically a book burner.  I want my real mom.  She would be nicer."  Only it came out "STORIES MOMMY!  I WANT STORIES.  woienaioeiaha HIGH PITCHED SCREAMING."

Life ruined.

Oh, I hear you buddy, but I've got some books to burn.  side note.  I do not in fact burn books.  I love books.  I hate punishing my child, but kind of love that taking away stories is this huge devastating event.  I'm an evil mom.  with rules.

Heidi, you gotta fix for that one?

A miracle happened here.*** updated

1.  No one has tried to escape their cribs since... the incident.
2.  I am now the proud owner of 2 video monitors.  Our first one died after a year.5 of constant use.  After "the incident" I went to Babies R Us (my nemesis) and stocked up on gear to save lives including another monitor.  It wasn't the one I had been researching, but looked nice.  got it home.  It's ok.  for now.  until our other one comes.  It has HORRID reviews on the bru website.  I bought the Summer slim and secure plus, but am waiting on the motorola.  I can even yell at him through the monitor.  Takes me back to 1994 when my friends house had an intercom.  GENIUS.
3.  This morning... was the miracle.  Now it has taken over a week of use but this morning G woke up at 6:30 and cried for me.  Looked at the alarm clock.  Saw that it wasn't green.  laid back down and WENT TO SLEEP.  Then when he woke up a little before 7 he whined for me, but then PLAYED IN HIS CRIB until the light turned green.  All of this must be attributed to the fact that I created a jammin' song to remind him of the rules.

Now to stop staring at the monitor with my finger on the intercom button...

***it should absolutely be noted that this concept is not my own, but came from the great Heidi.  It's her annivs today, y'all.  Also, she gave me the idea to make up a song (lyrics, completely my own.  hers are much more smarter..."

****the alarm clock did not work miracles this morning.  That whole 2 days in a row thing was an epic fail.

BAM. SPLAT. CRY.

No, I haven't seen Batman.  I'm not that cool.

However, I did just put my child down for a nap only to hear a large BAM and then screaming.  I went in and guess who was laying on the floor (all teeth present) crying?  Yah, the CHILD WHO MAKES ME WORK TO NOT LOSE IT.  I about lost it, but since he was losing it, I figured that I would hold it together.

Dear God, I hope that scared the shitake out of him enough for it to NEVER HAPPEN again.  However, I'm realistic, and my child is a climber/risk taker so I immediately called about getting the toddler bed rails for our crib... which apparently take 6-8 weeks to get in.  Um?  poor planning on their part, obviously.  when parents needs such things they need them now.

So I have nothing witty to say.  That was scary.

I hear he is two...

Dats a good idea, mama.

Today we embarked on a new journey.  A journey into the world of play dough.  G is in love.  I suggested it, brought it out, and Griffin kept saying, "Dats a good idea, mama."  He LOVES it.

He's really into making robots.  He is also really into lambie.  And pretending with lambie.  Yesterday, he shared his sucker with lambie, which is precious and gross.  today, he kept propping lambie's head up so he could watch.  He's pretty sweet.  With a massive amount of bed head.

Big kid things.

Have I mentioned that Griffin is two?  Oh, I have?  Well.  Here's more about that.

He is a BIG kid now.  I know this because he stood up to get weighed and measured.  What the what?  I barely even got any pictures because they were so fast.  At the DOCTORS office.  Crazy, I know.  He did great, though has the memory of his Aunt NeeNee and remembered that there is an elevator in the building and kept repeating, "I ride de ele-bator, mama.  Mama, I ride the ele-bator.  'Mon, mama.  ride the ele-bator."  to which the doc said, "I hear that he is very verbal."  Then when he continued and kept getting louder she said, "I hear that he is clearly 2."

He is pretty average--except for his head--which is above average.  Here are his stats

Weight--27.2 lbs (50%)
Height-- 34 and 5/8 inches (50%)
Head Circumference-- 49cm (75%)
BMI (because what 2 year old isn't complete with that?)-- 16 (30%)

And, because he is a big boy, I'd like him to not wake up crying in the AM's so for a while I've been encouraging him to say, "good morning, mama.  I'm awake."  Which, he still woke up crying, but I'd walk in the room and he'd say, "good morning, mama."  Today, I woke up to "MOMMMYYYYY, I AWAKE.  MOMMMY.  MOMMY.  MOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMY, I awake!  I see MAMA."  with random crying.  Baby steps?

The OK to Wake alarm clock has helped me create a new wake up song, but hasn't changed our lives yet.  I keep thinking it will. So until then...

"I hear that he's 2."

Drink break. I get it, buddy.