So I was trying to figure out how the hell I posted when G was little… and on regular occurrence. Then it occurred to me that I had one child and was home alone with him from. I also couldn’t get shit done around the house. It’s amazing how striking that first child can be. What a jolt to your life. Then your second one is born and you’re like… wait, um, what was my problem?
Fyi—my problem at the time was a baby who didn’t sleep, a husband who had no idea what to do, and bats… and leaky boobs. And a leaky bathroom. And paranoia about leaving G with someone other than me. The all knowing mother. The mother who took her child to his care provider’s house with very specific instructions that she kindly listened to. The one who had raised 2 children of her own (one who works with her) and had kept kids for 20 years. KIDS. Multiples. At one time. She must have laughed at me. And, because we are in Texas she probably said, “Bless her heart.”
Now I leave the house and think things like… did I change his diaper? Did I BRING any diapers? Eh, there is always a target close.
Also, last night I threw caution to the wind and took off my nursing tank and breast pads and slept in freedom. I’m not sure I can go back. For a YEAR I wore something 24-7. This time I made it almost 12 weeks to say eff it. What’s a little leakage in the company of my own house? (Insert frightened husband look and statement of, “Does it just come and go like that all the time?” Yes, it does. “What are you going to do over night? I mean… I won’t judge you.” Ehhh we’ll just see what happens. It’s like science. Only less calculated and with no theories.
What I learned yesterday about having 2 kids at daycare and a job—Meyer starves himself at daycare just like G did. He was fine and did not decide someone else was his mom (that I know of.) He sleeps in our bathroom just like G did which is a total inconvenience. Crib now raised back up. Thinking he may move there tonight. G loves having him with him. The other kids love to be ON him. I’m sure a cold is coming soon. Getting myself up, showered, pumped, feeding M, G up, breakfasted, dressed, pottied etc takes a lot of effing time. M needs to lose hisfeeding (sometimes ) because he gets up at 7…. And because if he eats at I just have to get up. Really, this is about me. Griffin has had some hard nights with bad dreams. My mom guilt makes me think it’s my fault for being back at work. My realistic mind knows that’s probably not the case. So this morning he slept late. I didn’t see him. Ben took him to school. If he sleeps late he doesn’t nap. Yay.
In other “exciting” news… My insurance covers a new pump at 100%. I shouldn’t be so excited, but I am.