31 weeks

Only 9 weeks (ish) to go! That's crazy talk. This week Griffin is the size of 4 navel oranges. Seriously? You couldn't think of a fruit that is singular? 4 navel oranges? Weird. He apparently weighs about 3-3.5 lbs which is odd considering I've gained... 17.

(Dear Weight Watchers, you will be seeing my face in approximately 15 weeks. You may not recognize me as I now come with zero chins. This meaning that my chin now flows directly into my neck. It will be back to the old days when I remove my jewelry and shoes to weigh in... because they are what make me fat.)

Speaking of navels--mine is shallow. Probably because it has 4 navel oranges pushing it out. Went to the doc today and everything looks normal. My blood pressure is awesome. I can't help but smile when I hear his heartbeat. Like, seriously, it's kinda mushy. I also have a slight desire to be taken to my room lay down on the bed/table and have them forget about me for a few hours and I just nap. Weird? Maybe. I also keep hoping for a surprise ultrasound. No luck. They said a long time ago when I asked if I got another one, "They usually find some medical reason for me to have another one around 36 weeks." This hasn't been mentioned since then... I think I'm going to ask at my next appt which is at 34 weeks.

Tomorrow also begins my countdown to birth. I mean, yes, technically I've been counting down since November, but NOW I'm scheduling my final hair appointments. Tomorrow is the beginning of the last few. Hey people, I need to look good for showers and good for after baby pictures. Well, as good as I can look in after baby pictures. I will be investing in some waterproof mascara. Remember mascara ='s glamour.

We also bought a new tiny digital camera this week. We are saving up for the Big Mama camera for a little while because apparently having a baby costs approximately 800 million dollars. As we only make a tiny fraction of ONE million dollars... TEENY TINY FRACTION that means we have to wait on this item. We are going to get the new canon digital slr. I already have canon lenses from my regular slr so that made the choice easier. Maybs the moms, aka Glammy, will let me borrow her camera for a little while.

And how will we celebrate 31 weeks? With our LOVELY Memorial day weekend. I imagine pool time, cleaning time, laundry time, friends wedding time, nap time, getting rid of shit time, lovin' on the dogs time, and generally enjoying my second weekend in a row at home.

Just like Martin Luther.

I'm amazed at the amount of pure shit at our house. You might say I'm nesting. You might say I'm obsessing. You might say that I finally have a reason to do some of the things that I always THINK about doing. Pretty sure it's diagnosed as nesting currently--then when the baby comes I think it will be diagnosed as OCD.

Anyway, so I'm cleaning out closets. We have a lot of stuff. Bags. Bags. Bags. Bags. Luggage. Random vases. Games. Other crap. It all needs to go. I need it to leave our house. Suckily, I can't carry it all--so now I've taken things out of closets I need my fantastic marriage mate to come home and help me carry them outside/to my car.

I wish I could post a note on my door listing the acceptable items for people to come and take (that's where the Martin Luther part comes in.) Or, I wish we had gigantic bins outside of our house like they do for roofing and one was for trash and one for donations. If only... if only. Please come take our shiz... and please do not send more. We are up to quota on cutesy notebooks if that was on your list of things to send.

I need it all GONE. Will let you know when this astounding adventure happens.

30 weeks

30 weeks, my friends. Well, last week was 30. I'm seriously not good at updating! There is our red dresser, crib, husband pronouncing that "The Good Ben saw what he had done and it was good," owl rattle, etc etc.

Exciting stuff! We also ordered our glider this weekend! I can't wait until it's here... which will be pushing the time limits a little. Either way, it's DONE!

My amazing husband

I got this email while I was out of town...

"I got the dresser together on top of all of the other stuff. You
should blog about what an amazing husband you have.

Ok...a few hours of sleep. I'm looking forward to having you back tomorrow.

I love you.

~me"

Ahhh he is amazing. Worked hard while I was gone. I'll post pictures of his amazing work, soon. He also suggest that I write only about negative things that he does--which simply isn't true (ish.) Remember that one time when he was taking the cough medicine with codine in it? How it made him paranoid that I was blogging about him (I wasn't) and it made him not be able to pee. This was a LONG time ago. We now have a plethora of this med. Not sure what to do with it? Sneak it into some of his food and let the excitement begin?

Tbd on that one, friends.

I also had a dream this morning that was a movie with Kate Hudson and Matthew Mc. 1. He was hot. Her parents died and left her a chinese restaurant that she ran. She was always there. He came in one day--they flirted, she got obsessed with work and had to go make some spicy fried shrimp, and then he left. She went to find him on the beach (because she knew they were destined to be together) and realized he had left his tux shoes. NOW she would be able to find him because she had his shoes?

I'm not sure what happened. She didn't find him before I woke up. Maybe I should write a movie company about this? Sounds like a winner.

We all look the same.

So, I am quite obviously the youngest person at the conference. This is the trend in my work, I find. However, I cannot call this the old white man group! SUCCESS! This is a diverse group of people. Awesome.

Today, though I went into the conference room after breakfast to find a seat. There was an older woman sitting at a table and I asked if I could join her. (And, yes, she had the "hair" and could have been in my previous posting which I should have entitled "When you stop being a woman, and start being clergy." Totally stolen from the "mom jeans add on SNL.)

Anyway, I go back out to get some hot chocolate and come back. She is sitting in one seat, I skipped a seat and had put my things in the next one. She wanted to make clear that Becky, (whoever the hell that was) was sitting in the seat next to her. I, however, could sit in any of the other 9 seats available. Um... ok? I wasn't trying to sit next to you. I introduce myself and she says, "yes, I think we met yesterday." I say, "I don't believe so." She says, "Well... it was someone who was young like you."

SO we all look the same now. There is only one other person that this could have been and I'm relatively sure she is 10 years older than me (and today, was wearing a peachish/brownish suit --with shoulder pads--and a beige top. awesome. The shoes escape me as I had to evacuate the situation.)

I also just looked in the hotel guide book at the "what to eat" section to decide on my dinner--I'm opting out of group dinner. Anyway, someone has obviously stolen some pages because all it has listed--is alcohol. It made me laugh--and then made me sad for myself.

Women of the cloth.

SO I work in a church world. I'm also highly judgmental, apparently. Here are my observations though about women who tend to be clergy.
1. Some style of chili bowl cut--Sometimes it's shorter, sometimes a little longer, ofter MUCH more manly than our former first lady (but I wasn't sure what to google in order to find the precise picture.) Why do you have men"s haircuts? You are indeed not a man. Notice the lady in the top picture that is in the royal blue. Prime example.

2. Sensible shoes. Notice the picture above again. There is a plethora of not flats/not heels going on in the clergy world. They are often a nude color and have a one inch semi chunky heel.
This is generally not an attractive color. Plus, it's ugly. Plus, just wear some cute flats.

3. A love of the long sheeth dress. It is typically complete with flowers. It typically shows no shape and may be paired with a men's blazer.

Why oh WHY can we not celebrate our differences? Our femininity? Wax our brows? Not wear a butt cut if we have long shapeless hair? Not get the bowl cut? Not wear sensible shoes?

I mean, I get that it's hard to be a female in that world... that you have to compete with men, that you try not to appear to be different--but we are.

I'm just sayin', people might come to church more if you grew out your hair, got a nice suit, maybe put on some lipgloss, and wore some rockin' shoes. It might be shallow, but it might save the world.

What I learned from a TSA agent.

SO at 5 am when I was at the airport and going through the security line (one of those that zig zags like at 6 Flags... which leads me to... why do you have 6 flags over anything BUT Texas. I mean, historically, it doesn't make sense.)

Anyway, there they were. The couple. Every time he got to the end of the zig they needed to desperately hug and kiss one another. I wanted to question--why don't you just walk through the line with him until they kick you out? I was slightly amused, slightly physically annoyed.

Most important, though, was the history lesson that I received as a bystander. 2 TSA agents were talking with one another about the Holocaust. And I hear...wait for it. wait for it.

It wasn't as big of a deal as history tries to tell us.

I mean, not that many Jews died.

I'm pretty sure my face was a face of shock and awe. I'm like wha? Who are these people? If I had some liquids I would have thrown them on them. Or, used my firearms and fireworks that I had sealed away in the soles of my shoes.

(PS. I wrote this last night after taking some ambien--and waking up at 4 am, traveling to Indianapolis with my boss, going to a conference, having a work dinner that lasted fo-eva, and finally getting back to my room. It was more entertaining before I had to edit it.)