Wednesday, November 28, 2012

85 pound baby

I’m not complaining so much as saying WTH?

Somedays… I look clearly pregnant.  Somedays I look spare tire/chunk-ish.  I mean, I’m guessing my truffle shuffle is amazing, but I will not check as my bazooms are bigger thank Chunks and I don’t want to damage anything.    

But, how is that possible?  Where does this baby hide?  Answer… he hides on my bladder.  He literally is going to fall out when it’s go time.  I’m going to be on a tv show for having my baby in the toilet.  Which isn’t good because I use Clorox in there and that’s really drying on your skin, but my goodness a good bleach job works wonders.  And it makes me feel all chemically clean like no germs (or even twinkies) could ever survive.  It’s a sickness.  I get it.  I also put in a tiny bit of bleach in my steam mop.

Anyway, this isn’t about bleach.  It’s about how the hell I’ve gained 8 lbs in FOUR WEEKS?  I did NOT experience this with G.  Slow and steady won the race.  The tiny baby race at which my vag rejoiced.  My doctor wasn’t at all concerned and I was proud of myself for not telling her she could shave off about 2lbs from constipation (I’m usually not so good at the non-disclosure.)  EIGHT pounds.  That is the size of a human baby.  I have like… 15? (I can’t keep up this time) weeks left… what if I gain 120 more pounds?  On top of the 14 I’ve already gained… and it remains all in my ass/thighs?  I think that’s a completely different type of TLC show. 

And, why does this baby make my ass look big?  That’s another question for you.  Why does my 2 year old think that rolling around on the kitchen floor throwing a fit is going to let him have a sucker?  When I’ve obviously stated that it will not? 

I did pass my glucose test (thank you jeebus) which means I can continue my massive weight gain. 
25 weeks.  Huge ass.


CDS said...

Shut the front door you look amazing! I love it!

Sarah K said...

I hide the extra 8 lbs. well. Maybe it's all in the boobs? That's what I said both times with my extreme weight gain and enormous children. It must have been the boobs...and the extra chins...and my ass. But honestly, you look great. Keep it up, whatever you're doing. Cheers to passing the glucose test! Reward yourself with an eggnog or something.

A.B. said...

1/2 boobs 1/2 arssual region.

I'm celebrating with TWO donuts... and chocolate milk.