I have a lot of posts in my head. Like how I fired a nurse for the second time in the postpartum unit. How my child had explosive poop during a photo shoot. and M's first almost full week of life. Funny things Griffin says.
But no one told me about how having a 2nd child makes you sad. I had my first emotional response to that last night. For the first time, G wanted dad to put him to bed. Granted, this had already been decided--but heartache was immediate. As were the tears. And the needing to hold my "baby" which I'm not supposed to do for fear my uterus will fall out. Something I couldn't stop myself from doing. And when I was crying he wanted to know why I felt sad. And "maybe I had just tripped on something?" So I told him I did. My guilt and sadness on not being his number one is large. My sadness of his growing up is serious--and exciting--and conflicting. No one told me about that part. They only told me how your heart expands. I guess part of that is the breaking part, too?
Or you are all liars. Or you have forgotten? Or it's just one of those things that no one talks about? Like hemroids?
I can't... I have to feed the baby. or wait just a minute because ... whatever the reason. IS KILLING ME.
There is the heart expanding stuff, too. Don't get me wrong, but honestly, this part seems the hardest. I don't think I have the right words for it. And much how I couldn't pay as much attention to pregnancy #2 I don't love them the same. I guess that's part of it, too? There isn't time to cherish every single second of everything they do. How I wish I could stop and do more immediately. For both of them.
So yah... I'm probably being a little dramatic. I blame the hormones. And the extra laundry. So cheers to the people who make this look so easy. I aspire to be that.
Until then, I'll keep wondering why my tiny baby just slept 3+ hours during the day... and only in 1.5 hour intervals in the night.