Thursday, April 10, 2014

Three is the new two (aka... kids that is.) Or, WTF, I'm having three kids. Or, that time you find out you are pregnant with #3 before #2 turns 1.

Remember that one time that I ran a marathon and found out I was preggo with G the next day?  Yah, so THAT has happened again.  Not that I'm pregnant with my 3.5 year old unless I'm on some sort of weird tv show--I'm not.  I checked.  So, in my 3 marathon runs I have been pregnant for 2 of them.  Um, what the hell?

SO I'm quitting marathon running for my fertility.  Kidding.  It's because it's a long ass way and I'm going to have three kids.  Ain't nobody got time for that.

I took chlomid with BOTH of my boys to GET pregs, so this my friends, was a complete surprise and probably a bit of karma for making fun of my seestor for her unintentional pregnancy.

TMI info--say "HOLY SHIT" and skip this paragraph.

So my "things" hadn't yet returned to normal.  Like, once in November and once in January since I had my baby in March of 2013.  I was convinced my "things" would restart the day of my marathon.  I mean, pain in the ass.  SO, I was prepared.  She didn't show up, "thanks girl, for listening to my cursing you".  So on Monday morning I took one of my left over tests... because I check every so often like a crazy loon---but remember the "things" not being normal so I think it is less loony and more smarty.  whatever.  And, I use the words tests because I'm too dumb to read the lines tests probably because I'm liberal arts major and not so much a science major.  They should now market those as "For your liberal arts major" and they would probably get a good return.  We aren't all so scientific, but we can read words.

HOLY SHIT.  Ok, if you skipped that paragraph feel free to pick up here.  My words test said "PREGNANT" and I about shit my pants... only not my pants because I was "sitting."  Oops, sorry you should have picked up after this part.  That was tmi, too.  OMGOMGOMG.  Um, must corral children a drag them to walgreens... a far away walgreens in case I see someone I know.  Don't forget wedding right so people don't judge you (why it is in my mind that people are judging me for buying pregnancy tests at my advanced maternal age is beyond me.)  Probably because I have my 3 year old and my not even 1 year old.  That's why they were judging me.  Whatevs.  Buy two more tests (that are two packs, duh.)

Drink shiz ton of water.

Take more tests.

Call husband and ask if he can come home early?  Oh, you can't (holy effer) ummm... ok.... see you later.

Begin calculating our ability to live off of beans and rice.  panic panic panic

8 pm.  Ben walks in door.  Umm... so... hey, I have some news.  Good news, bad news, and just news.

Him Umm... are you pregnant?

Eff, I've thought all day about how to say this.  "Ummm... yah?"

HE IS SO STINKING EXCITED.  My husband who initially wanted one child.  Who was worried he couldn't love 2 kids was so so so excited.  Me, who has always wanted three kids, but had recently decided I was great with my two, lost my effing mind.  I had plans you know... of sleeping and vacationing.  And, I had a friend bring up the vacation commercials and there are never families with three kids.  You see mom with one kid and dad with the other WHERE IS THAT THIRD KID AND WHY ARE THEY WONDERING AROUND A DISNEY CRUISE ALONE?

Then, the worry... because my eggs are all old and dusty maybe this kid won't work right.  Turns out things are going well via the sonogram.  That was a relief.  And I'm excited now with the same calculations about beans and rice and making sure that no one is smart enough to go to college and well adjusted enough to not need therapy (good luck with that one.)  If nothing else... this kid can't go to preschool.  No one tells you to save for that.

Anyway, so that's the news.  Due in October three days after I turn 35.  Advanced maternal age.

And, I'm retiring from marathoning.


Elizabeth said...

Wha...wha...wha...WHAT?!?!?!?!?! OMGOMGOMGOMG. This is exciting. Also, this is why I don't run. Just in case that has something to do with it?

Sarah K said...

This is amazing PSA for running. Or not running, depending on how you look at it. SO excited for you! Three is pretty great. Even the whole being out numbered part. That is why they make parents bigger than children. And smarter. Most of the time.
How have you been feeling???