Le sigh...

As you may or may not be aware--I am a spender. I like to shop--I like to wonder around Target and lose myself--purchasing anything or not. I carefully weigh my purchasing choices, rarely making any spur of the moment decisions, I keep my tags on my items until I decide I am going to keep them--I am at least, a practical spender.

I also pride myself on being aware of the environment and somewhat aware of our finances. I go in phases of being ridiculously obsessed with saving--time, money, electricity...

So in my $ saving endeavors I get overwhelmed by the things that seem to come all at once that I need. Boys do not understand this needing of such items. I need (in no partic's order) new running shoes, I need new face lotion, I need some new closed toe shoes, I need to provide a shower for the sis, I need a new outfit for my high school reunion, and I need to get my hair cut and colored. These are all necessities and not options. I'm on the search for the perfect outfit for my 10 year reunion that makes me look like I've not tried to hard, threw these things together, 20 lbs lighter than I am, and infinitely more attractive than anyone has ever seen me in my life. Agreed... this search is proving to be more difficult than I had originally thought. I'm at a loss for what to do. I have attempted to plan out my shopping extravaganza this weekend, but am simply feeling overwhelmed currently. Though I am a shopper, I despise shopping for specific items. I much prefer to happen upon them and make statements like--"Look at these things I got today--all of them an additional 50% off!" I never purchase anything full price--this makes me thrifty. The hubs disagrees. He seems to think that if you spend $100 on 8 things, you're still spending $100. Clearly, he suffers from man brain. It's the thrill of the purchase--knowing the good deal made. Justification in numbers. I could save this economy yet.
Speaking of...In this "financial crisis" (which I choose to avoid due to not really understanding) I hope that they will lose my student loans. Why can't the slate just be wiped clean? What harm will that do? I mean, it's all of this fictional money that seems to be lost anyway. (yes, I'm sure can leave me a diatribe about how this isn't the case and give me reasons for why... but much as when I wonder aloud 'how things work' and Ben begins to explain... I tell you--I don't really want to understand. I'm just musing to make myself sound more intelligent. ) It is a lot of room to take up in my brain to keep this knowledge afloat. I prefer to fill my memories with what I wore for my 5th grade school picture, what bath and body works scent I wore the summer that I worked at a camp for a couple of weeks and Ben was out of town and we wrote letters back and forth (1998,) the color of the ribbon on my grandmothers piece of white china that held pennies, the taste of her double mint gum, inside jokes, and WW points for certain foods.
Anyway, back to student loans. I think I've mentioned this before--but I'm relatively sure that they are the devil. They are out there tempting you--leading you astray, making you feel good about yourself as you attend your higher education private institution, letting you pay your bills, your rent, that extra drink on a night out--and then WHAM, you have to pay them back! They cause guilt, anger, resentment, loss of memory, pain in the ass. But, it's GOOD debt. Um, no. perhaps this is how we got in this situation believing that things are "Good debt" eh? I'll pay you with this fictional money that the frickin government gave me because I'm poor, but not actually teaching me that I should perhaps attend a STATE SCHOOL and not a private one. Jerks. Hey, I know... why don't you also "pretend" to give this fake money to other countries so they'll like us better... that won't cause any problems. Right? Perhaps the government has brainwashed me and this is why I'm a spender who has the dual personality of a saver? It's quite the predicament.

SO here I sit at work--feeling overhwelmed by my good debt, desperately wanting a nap, desperately wanting to go home--trying to figure out when I'm going to grocery shop, how I'm going to clean my house before the FIL gets in this afternoon, keep the house clean before the MIL gets in on Monday, run 20 miles, find the perfect outfit, get my hair done, nap, read Wicked, watch sex in the city, catch up on my missed shows this week because I've been doing something EVERY NIGHT, and volunteer on Sunday at something I no longer want to volunteer with simply because I feel the need for rest. suggestions?