Do not woo me with your sno-cones.

SO, on Tuesdays I typically have a hill workout. However, Fuddruckers apparently tried to make me meet my demise yesterday and so I decided to run at home.. for proximity to said home. I also then was excited because I remembered we had gotten a note about a block party in our 'hood. Awesome. Yay. This way we can meet other young people. The flyer mentions bringing your drinks, and your lawn chair, there is a blow up device for the kids (lots of kids around) and a henna artist (random. last interaction with a henna artist was from a night deemed "the night of poor decisions.") Anyway, so I go run, Ben mixes me up a tasty treat we walk down and get a hotdog (on white bread... don't know the last time I had this.) Then a woman starts talking to me and BAM. I got Emerilled. Ok, not at all... but I realized...

THIS IS A CHURCH RECRUITMENT EVENT.

OMG.

We did meet one other couple that lives about 5 houses down from us. They brought a 6 pack. Everyone else had water.

We got out of there right before they were closing things down for fear of a group prayer. (please, let me be clear, I realize I have a Master of Divinity, and I realize that I Co-Direct a church camp, and I realize I'm religious... but wow. Not this kind.)

Not the kind that has on their website (where I stalked them this AM) that because we are human we are liars, thieves, and adulterers and the only consequence for us is HELL (all caps) and that God doesn't want us to go there forever. SO I'm wondering--is this a part time gig? Where do you go the rest of the time? What about spending every other weekend there and then the decided upon holidays? Is there an inclement weather policy?

It also says that the chance of the big bang theory being true is the same as clearing out your garage and waiting 10 years and finding a Mercedes.

Also, our community must be filled with heathens because these people are also holding a dog fair at our big community center with the tennis courts, pool, running area etc. NO WHERE does it mention that this is being hosted by a creepy church--or any church at all for that matter. I think this is misleading. Almost as misleading as when I bought mascara the other day only to find out that it was blue.

SO woo me with your sno-cones. Give me some fattening food. Try to give me a bottled water. I will take these things and then slowly judge you publicly for your beliefs.