How not to raise your toddler

So this article was floating all around my FB today.  All around.  Let me tell you about the incidence of last night-- (Ps, you don't want to know.)  I had my first vomit experience with le bebe.  Um, gross.  And sad.  And mom guilt because I thought it was my fault because I let him share my pizza and zucchini chips (but not my prosecco and glass of vino.)  So I thought that I caused the vommies due to the greasy foods.  It.  was.  awful.  started at 10.  I took my ambien at 9.  I was able to work it, clean vom, give a bath, rinse, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat.  Turns out, apparently a virus.  Kid at school has it.  (Jude, who G calls Dude.  maybe cooler?)  And NeeNee.  

I hope my child never vom's again.  Ever.  I'm fearful of the vom.  I can do it for children and babies no probs,(not saying I like it,) but I secretly hope he has a fear of the vom--the vomiphobia.  Please note, DSM-5.5, I named that and I have 10's of followers who can quote it.  My sister and I have this fear.  Fo' sho.  It's bad.

Maybe enough of the talk and entire blogpost about throwing up?  No?  It's gross.

Another incidence--this one from today.  So I stopped to get a little lip wax.  The guy tells me it will be one minute and I'm all ok, well if I need to come back, it's ok.  No no.  One minute.  He goes into the wax room (maybe the lady was napping on the wax table--who can blame her?)  Anywho, she comes out dress over black pants.  Cute.  I go.  Lay down.  Get the much needed hair ripped off my face, close my eyes, and relax--I mean, I'm a mom.  this is relaxation time.  Especially after catching vom in a towel.  And on my shirt.  And on my shirt again.  And in the towel.  mmm hot wax.  wax bed.  heaven.

Moving on.  I get up from the table only to see that she is NO LONGER WEARING PANTS.  When did that happen?  Maybe I was on some sort of Girls Behaving Badly show?  if you missed any of that by gagging, it's that I went in and the lady was wearing pants and came out and she wasn't.  weird.  I tipped her $4 on my $6 transaction.  So maybe she thinks I liked it.  Weird if I go back?

I used to be here.  Thank goodness I found the wax/threading/tweezers/life changers.  we don't want baby Brook Brook headed down the same road of demise.  To distract Baby Broo-Broo from her lack of facial hair (maybe the gene will skip her?) i made her an A-dorable tutu for Christmas.  I won't like that my thigh wore it as i was making it (impromptu garter belt?) and I want to put it on G (but will resist.  probably.)  It's cute.  Y'all, she's 6 months old.  Hot stuff.  Bring it holidays... Because Pinterest has me blowin' up.

I made it.  I'm proud.  And I want one.