Wednesday, November 16, 2011

How not to raise your toddler

So this article was floating all around my FB today.  All around.  Let me tell you about the incidence of last night-- (Ps, you don't want to know.)  I had my first vomit experience with le bebe.  Um, gross.  And sad.  And mom guilt because I thought it was my fault because I let him share my pizza and zucchini chips (but not my prosecco and glass of vino.)  So I thought that I caused the vommies due to the greasy foods.  It.  was.  awful.  started at 10.  I took my ambien at 9.  I was able to work it, clean vom, give a bath, rinse, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat.  Turns out, apparently a virus.  Kid at school has it.  (Jude, who G calls Dude.  maybe cooler?)  And NeeNee.  

I hope my child never vom's again.  Ever.  I'm fearful of the vom.  I can do it for children and babies no probs,(not saying I like it,) but I secretly hope he has a fear of the vom--the vomiphobia.  Please note, DSM-5.5, I named that and I have 10's of followers who can quote it.  My sister and I have this fear.  Fo' sho.  It's bad.

Maybe enough of the talk and entire blogpost about throwing up?  No?  It's gross.

Another incidence--this one from today.  So I stopped to get a little lip wax.  The guy tells me it will be one minute and I'm all ok, well if I need to come back, it's ok.  No no.  One minute.  He goes into the wax room (maybe the lady was napping on the wax table--who can blame her?)  Anywho, she comes out dress over black pants.  Cute.  I go.  Lay down.  Get the much needed hair ripped off my face, close my eyes, and relax--I mean, I'm a mom.  this is relaxation time.  Especially after catching vom in a towel.  And on my shirt.  And on my shirt again.  And in the towel.  mmm hot wax.  wax bed.  heaven.

Moving on.  I get up from the table only to see that she is NO LONGER WEARING PANTS.  When did that happen?  Maybe I was on some sort of Girls Behaving Badly show?  if you missed any of that by gagging, it's that I went in and the lady was wearing pants and came out and she wasn't.  weird.  I tipped her $4 on my $6 transaction.  So maybe she thinks I liked it.  Weird if I go back?

I used to be here.  Thank goodness I found the wax/threading/tweezers/life changers.  we don't want baby Brook Brook headed down the same road of demise.  To distract Baby Broo-Broo from her lack of facial hair (maybe the gene will skip her?) i made her an A-dorable tutu for Christmas.  I won't like that my thigh wore it as i was making it (impromptu garter belt?) and I want to put it on G (but will resist.  probably.)  It's cute.  Y'all, she's 6 months old.  Hot stuff.  Bring it holidays... Because Pinterest has me blowin' up.
I made it.  I'm proud.  And I want one.


CDS said...

I hope G feels better! As far as your craftyness...adorbs... as far as your facial hair removal story...odd. :) xoxo

Beth Dunn said...

You MUST tell me how Lilly saved your life!

A.B. said...

CDS. I love facial hair removal like whoa, but that even shook me a bit.

Beth, I could not find anything anywhere for homecoming, and as a last resort, finally walked into Lilly at about 8:45 pm. They saved me. For reals. Those girls were awesome, and how did I not START there? Sometimes I think I must be losing it.