Thursday, August 2, 2012


As a future olympian, I'm constantly studying my gymnastic competition.  I am banking on my coconut oil to help me shrink 2 inches so I can be considered tall and also lose 50 lbs so I can be long and lean and "international looking like the judges like."

Like Komova.  which I hear comb-ova every.  single.  time.

Gabby Douglass looks like a tiny Michelle Obama.

They also don't wear sports bras.  I guess because they don't have to.  (oh, I better lose some bazooms, too.  Maybe that happens when I lose my 50?)

And they love a shiny leotard.  (check.)

They love the sparkles in the hair.  (high school me, check.)

They love a scrunnci.  (elementary school me, check.)

They love a clippy.  (baby me, check.)

They also have receding hairlines from the scruncci-clippy combo which will assuredly give them the comb-ova in later years.

So maybe I'm not gymnastics material.  damn it.  I hear bad mitten has some openings?


Heidi Bruch said...

I keep asking Jon what the deal is with the ponytails and the 5-8 clips around them? The slicked back look? Wow. But holy heck are they nimble. I can barely kick my leg above my waist. Without injury.

A.B. said...

I was surprisingly nimble pre-hips. I just keep watching and saying, "I want to be good at something."

I'm going to propose an olympics for people that are moderately good at a few things. You can't be toooooo good. Or you are kicked out.

Wind suits for EVERYONE.

Jill said...

I heard Comb-Over too, every single time!

I am in to your idea above (mostly for the wind suit). Maybe we can just get uniforms and walk around like bosses instead of "competing."

Katie L. said...

Don't forget your colored tape. It is apparently all the rage for Olympians.

A.B. said...

K tape is a must. NEED it. I'd def go all Kerry Strug on those bitches, too.

CDS said...

Did you see my plans? Archery, Fencing or back on crew for Rio 2016...I'm too tall, easily distracted and fat for gymnasticos. XO

AComplicatedCliche said...

Haha, when you put it into words gymnastics sounds like a bunch of psychotic robots. But, I believe in you, you are a future olympian. Next you can try...Racewalking! It is actually an olympic sport.

Magical. :)