Monday, January 21, 2013

Labor and Delivery

L&D.  I am registered (maybe twice?).  I'm kind of scared of getting there and them telling me to fill out some forms.  And I'd be all, "I'll cut a bitch."

I've also decided one of my final appointments needs to be fake eye lashes.  Let me tell you, that showering, blow drying your hair and putting on mascara between contractions is not as fun as it sounds.  Especially when your hair ends up in a sweatyband and you've cried off all of that water proof mascara by the time you give birth anyway.  I mean, give me the lashes.  Then maybe I won't get the "bad batch" of epidural. If I decide to have one.  Or maybe the anesthesiologist won't be all, "ok now scoot to the right, now to the left, now sit still.  oh wait a little more to the right.  Oh damn, the girl down the hall had a bad batch, too."  And if he/she IS like that I'm going to use profanity this time.  Note to self.  use profanity.  Break out the big guns.   Drop the F bomb.  Probably more than once.  I'm also adding that to the birth plan.

bikini wax.
F bomb.
Eat waffles.

I'm not really sure what else I need?

I did just read these two posts and they made me laugh out loud and read them out loud to Ben.  Mostly because it all seemed so familiar.  Only instead of asking for coffee he watched me writhing in bed and stoically asked, "Do you think you're having contractions."  I should have dropped the F bomb then.  I think G's birthday was F bomb free.

That's something that's going to be special for you, Meyer.  You get hand me down everything else, but this one... this one is for you, buddy.

Ben is headed on his man trip this weekend.  Wondering if I can get a mini-epidural so I can get some shiz finished up around here--like painting and dealing with the devil, and going to Little Gym.  My parents had plans, umm... hello?  No one asked me.

Also, I want a little push button on the epi.


Sarah K said...

Hmmm...I must have gotten a "bad batch" with Eli. Without going into detail, my two c-section experiences were VERY different. After a few excruciating winces (I shoulda dropped the f bomb...good call), I got what Kyle likes to call, the "Michael Jackson cocktail." (too soon?) Hope this next experience is more on the glorious side for ya!

A.B. said...

Never too soon. Hilar.

Once they got everything dosed up right, I was sittin' pretty. Just took a while :)