Friday, July 31, 2009

Bye Bye Bye...

SO, if you know me, you know that I'm slightly obsessed with hair. I am known to get my brows threaded. I love a good wax. I hear permanent hair removal.

Today, on a whim I decided instead of getting my brows done--I'd do my whole face. Pardon my breaking into unruly speech, but it hurt like a mo' fo'. I cried out with tears of agony. That isn't exactly true. I did have some tears I was able to with hold. However, it is uncertain if I was crying for pain or for the very wretched breath that was being blown in my face. Or when for 5 seconds the woman's boob rested upon my forehead. awkward.

My face still feels like it is on fire. I want to punch someone in the neck.

Recently my face has decided to revolt against the norms of being 29. You guessed it. I'm again breaking out like I am 14 and in serious need of some proactiv. Oh Jessica, or Alyssa Milano, could you please send me your miracle cure?

I'm visiting the dermatologist in a week or so. I will forget to mention the pain I put myself through today.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

oh the humor...

SO there is a person with whom I interact professionally... and everytime I am engaged with said person they mention that they need to pee. Yesterday, I asked if the person would like a drink before they went to meet some other people (diet coke, ddp, etc) and they said, "Well, I better go remove what I drank earlier before I add anything new."

This is odd to me.

Now I must go drive for 6 hours today--literally--this is not me exaggerating. I have a meeting in Houston which is 3 hours away. I'm thinking the meeting will last approximately 2 hours and then drive 3 hours back. If you know me, you know that I hate being in the car. A lot. However, if I am going to be in the car I like to sleep. I'm not sure this works if it's for work and you're riding with someone else?

I'll let you know.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

The sound of the geunine.

Thurman discusses "the sound of the genuine." It's when your heart is connected with the Divine. Camp is the place in which I hear this sound. It isn't through the crispito. It isn't through the 32 ft. inflatable. It isn't through the magic of the golf cart. What happens is inexplicable. What happens is beyond words. It recalls me to a time of mystery.

Within my soul is a recollection of WHY I am there. There is a remembrance of the Lord's presence in my life. I LOVE being with high school students. I love being in creation. I love sarcastic humor. You may not see that these things are intrinsically related. Then again, you may not understand why I volunteer my time every year. You may not get this is where my husband and I profess our undying love for one another.

There are a lot of things you may not get. But what I will say is this... My soul feels complete. I can thing of nowhere else I would rather be. I am in love. I am faithful. I am responding to the call of the genuine.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

fried chicken and manipulation.

One may not see that these things go together, but I saw it immediately.

(Granted, I'm sure that my nanny could have asked me to pick weeds in her garden for a piece of fried chicken--also slight manipulation, but it would have worked and I knew where it came from and for what was it's purpose.)

Moving on....

SO on Friday night Ben and I ate some dinner and headed to the pool. Our community pool is rarely super packed--even on weekends. This is odd to us because they've just redone it. It is really nice and huge. Whatever--fewer screaming children for our relaxation! SO we start to walk in and there are TONS of people... and a band playing in the corner (clue 1.) Then, I see rows of food lined up on tables (clue 2), and then a person saying (don't forget to come and get some free fried chicken) major clue 3. This is ANOTHER manipulative recruitment event for the church who does not believe in evolution--at all. There are no signs anywhere to state where this food comes from--again it look as if the community center is providing. There are just a lot of awkward people in one piece bathing suits/shirts on top of them in the pool talking with one another. If only I had worn a more scandalous bathing suit and then they could have try to hex me or something.

I know I'm rough on the conservies. I know that these are their beliefs... which are fine (I just tend to not agree with anything they believe--also fine.)

My major issue is when you try to lead me to Jesus through fried chicken, hot dogs, and sno cones. It isn't like we're going to a fair and all going to ride a ferris wheel. I believe your intent is to get me to go to church. So when I don't know who you are, or from where you come, or your intent (this is th unsuspecting individuals not yet jaded by the conservative Christian movement) I may believe that Jesus and Hotdogs are interconnected. I mean, maybe they had snocones at all of their gatherings?

A friend recently said, "Church isn't meant to be fun." I can't agree more. We aren't going to be entertained. We are going to reverently worship. It can be moving, and occasionally you will laugh, but it isn't a movie set up to entertain you (Much of why I dislike the HUGE screens in the sanctuary).

If I went to this church--I would be more than irreverent and most likely hungry for my fried chicken.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

You're making it too easy.

SO, first a little diddy about how I went to the mall today (I go somewhere almost everyday for lunch because it makes my day go faster if I get out of the office.) (I am also attempting to find this specific pair of shorts for my marriage mate that I am not able to find.) Anyway so I am walking at the mall (not mall walking, mind you) and I'm in the aisle in the main mall part and this guy who works in one of the stores is over leaning against the railing CUTTING HIS FINGER NAILS. I shit you not. He was just clipping away letting his nasty dead nail fall to the floor--or worse--over the railing to some unsuspecting individual casually enjoying their dippin' dots or having their hat monogrammed when boom--nail clipping. Grossville.

Next... the AC debacle. This is an ongoing problem that began approximately 4-5 weeks ago and has not yet been cured. It's like our house has a herpes outbreak that won't go away. In winter it goes into recession? and it flairs up in the summer. It is effing hot. Let me explain the extreme heats we are facing here--we are setting records on the daily. The AC company that our warranty company partners with doesn't return phone calls and when they do answer they tell you that they aren't the person to talk to and they can't read your file properly and they'll, you guessed it, have someone call you back. Ben has been taking care of this for the last forever and I'm afraid his eyes will pop out next time he has to deal with their continual stupidity and lack of general professionalism so I called today. I'm the mean one, in case you haven't guessed. I talked to the warranty people and then they called the SECRET number to get in touch with the AC company. Somehow, their # works and ours doesn't? The lady was totes rude and I explained to her that her lack of professionalism and disdainful customer service skills were enough to make me punch a child. (last part not actually mentioned.) Or... I should have said, "enough to make me go find a menopausal woman who is not yet on hormone therapy come over there and kick your ass and cry while doing it and then explain about her heat flashes." This probably would have worked with the fear factor involved. She explained to me that we have an appointment for Friday. Como? We haven't set up an appointment Crystal. Well, that's when your time slot is. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm whatever. It's also costing us the price of 3 arms so I'm going to sell the dogs. Kidding. I'm going to sell their fur. Or one of my arms.

In the optimistic front line--I ate 2 tacos from next door for $3. They were amazing.

And really, stop making it SO easy for me to judge you.

One final note... when we went to see HP6 I sat by a family (mom, dad, and adult 20 something daughter) who were all wearing capes, had magic bags, and wands. Mom and daughter held hands in the scary parts.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Wait, where are you?

Another sleeping post.

SO it is not infrequent for me to wake up, wonder what time it is, see that it's 4 am and Ben is not in bed. I lay there and think, I can either stay here and get to take up the ENTIRE bed, or go get him from the couch, turn off the tv, and come back to bed. I usually do the second, but have been known to do the first.

B is a distracted man. It takes him like 30 minutes to leave the house once it's time to leave the house (30 mins is a bit extreme, but longer than me.) Anywho, at night when he falls asleep on the couch he claims it's because he decides to go to bed, then the dogs decide they need to go out, and then they decide that they need to eat and then he sits there waiting for them to eat and "watches tv"--which is where the downfall begins. That, or the extra glass of whisky. I'm not sure which is to blame, but I think Ben prefers to blame the dogs.

I've been wiped out by getting up early and my ridiculous allergies (super sinus headaches and feeling like an elephant is sitting on my chest) and so I've been trying to go to bed early--or at least get in bed early and then read (I heart a good book.) So I went to bed early, slept miraculously (with aid of 1/2 of an ambien), and then woke up and thought... where is Ben? The lights are on. I feel like I've been in bed a while. I light up my watch to find it's 3:30 AM. I go out look at the couch--no Ben--just sleeping dogs on the ground. Ok, so he's probably upstairs in his office tying flies (for fishing) and got obsessed. nope. I go to the guest bedroom and there he is. Sleeping fully clothed, hunched over on the bed. Wtf?

What are you doing?

I came to get a pillow and I don't know what happened.

Now I am awake. Suck.

I am a good wife.

Thursday, July 9, 2009


I just saw 2 disturbing commercials in a row

1. From the producers of "The Bachelor" (which I've never seen)--a show called "More to Love" about regular people (read--plus sized.) Really? We need to have a special show? Can't plus sized women be on the normal bachelor? Or, could we just not have that show at all?

2. A jack in the box commercial complete with 3 "small" men in chaps.


SO, I have been battling my seasonal allergies (read, Austin is trying to kill me by giving me headaches, drainage, and general nastiness.) I went to the doc last week and she gave me a prescription for Clarinex-D. Super. Usually I complain about things with suphedrine in them because they have a tendency to make my heart race. I mentioned this to her at some point and she told me, "Get over it." I appreciate a little tough love and accepted this. I was fine--except that I was having major headaches and not sleeping and weird appetite issues. Anywhos, so I decided to discontinue use of said drug. I called on Monday? Tuesday? and left a message with the medical assistant--I don't know if I have to come back in or not, but the medicine I was taking has given me mentioned reactions. I'd like to have something else called in please. Ok, so she calls me back yesterday and says they are calling me in a zpack? Um. I have no infection. I'm not going to take RIDICULOUS antibiotics for seasonal allergies. So I say to this girl, "So... you want me to take a zpack for seasonal allergies." Her, "Mmm hmm.. Yes." Me: "That will cure me forever from allergies?" Her: "Yes, that's what we've called in."

Needless to say I did not pick up this craziness.

In other z's categories. I almost smothered my husband last night due to snoring. I would have totally regretted it later, but I would have slept better for a little while. I don't' want to turn into that couple who sleep in different beds, nor do I want to have to wear ear plugs (though I'm considering it), but how does one fix this? Seriously. I need help. I'm sure a king sized bed would help (because of the distance clearly), but I feel that the problem may even still linger then.

Anyone else struggle with this?

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Nobody gonna slow me down, oh no, oh no

I gotsta keep on movin'. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Nobody gonna breaka my stride.

So, I ran this am (did I mention before I get up at 5:15 on Thursdays) and so I'm a little wired because of my delightful Thursday treat of Starbucks soy chai and today an addition of a cheese plate--brie, water crackers, red grapes, and a little piece of cheddar.

Problem. It is the day before a holiday and my brain is not functioning in full force. Granted, I haven't really been in full force mode for quite sometime, but that's neither here nor there. When I went to the doc on Tues there was a student nurse practitioner that was doing visits. I talked to him, explained that my head had felt "dazy." He just stared at me as if this is not a medical term for which he has knowledge. If I were a health care provider--which who knows, I might be in my next career--I would totally get this term. I would not stare blankly and then make my patient feel like an idiot (for which she already feels like one because she can't remember things and has foggy brain.) Anywho... I ended up with some allergy meds. So far I'm not having extreme headaches everyday which is a HUGE bonus, but I'm sill having lots o' drainage and sneezing. I also had a shot. No, not the fun kind. Luckily I was wearing a full on jumper thing (purchased in italy so tres chic) so I had to COMPLETELY disrobe so that I could be administered said shot in the bootay. Embarrassing. So now not only do I feel like poo, but you are seeing me in my full glory.

Question, when you start taking allergy meds and are hopefully getting better does everything have to drain out first (and this is the cause of the newfound drainage that was previously non-flowing and just causing massive headaches) or is it all supposed to just dry up? I would be in favor of the 2nd, but this does not seem to be happening.

It's only 10 am. I'm considering a half day....

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

weather confuses me.

How can the weather person on the radio say that there is a 20% chance of rain when it is currently 100% raining? I mean, I'm no math genius, but this just doesn't sound logical. You know, like when on my ambien bottle (sweet sweet sleeping drug) it says "may cause drowsiness."