So I was going to write about

things that made me gag today.  (annie's ravioli.  apple juice.  water dripping on my foot after washing dishes.)

Then, I talked to my moomsy.  Today was my  mom's last day at her job.  The last day of her job for the last 20 years.  The school has gotten big.  People have changed.  Things are the same small town they used to be.  She wasn't feeling uplifted or happy there and was ready for a change.  My mom started working at NHS full time when I went into 6th grade and my seestor went into 9th.  I LOVED having my mom at school.  I know most people would hate this, but not me.  The Helga-nator, Helga, Moomsykins.  Mom.  Glammy.  Glammy Pants.  Big Mama.  The original Mama.  She was good people to have around.

Today they had a party for her.  She called me and was so excited that like 50 people showed up.  Kinda huge. She felt appreciated.  You know, it's really amazing when someone you love and doesn't get appreciated very often is finally appreciated and FEELS that way.  It does a heart good.  It did my heart good.

So proud of my Mama.

A shameless plug--for cancer.

Well against cancer.  For cures.

In the last month, I’ve had some unfortunate events happen. My Uncle passed away on August 8. My Uncle who had been battling failing health for a long time. Two days later when I was almost to work I was in a car accident. My car was totaled. Thankfully, so so thankfully, Griffin was not with me and neither of us (me or the girl who hit me) were seriously injured. My tiny little 3 month old niece was having some health concerns. We had to research and buy a car in a few days. We left a few days later for Michigan (which was by no means a downfall. I got to see my friend Amy!) It felt like 80 thousand things were happening in the matter of one week.

Because of the accident I’ve had a hard time recouping enough to run. I made it back to track this week. I woke up at 5:30 AM, cursed my alarm, and got myself out of bed and to the track. One of my team mates said, "I haven’t seen you in a few weeks." I started to tell him about my car accident and my "whoa as me’s" when I stopped and looked at who I was talking to. A man who had a tumor removed from his brain. A man who was diagnosed with Leukemia. A man who he and his wife (who was my teammate first because he wasn’t yet healthy enough to run) picked up their lives and moved to Houston so he could be at MD Anderson. A man who is now a FAST runner. Has completed multiple marathons and is training—and fundraising for another. So who am I to complain and feel sorry for myself?He and his wife BOTH fundraise THOUSANDS of dollars multiple times a year because they know that it helps. First hand, they know that these funds go to families in need--because they’ve been that family.

Please help me with a tax free donation to LLS and help me reach my goal. Consider the cost of your coffee habit, eating lunch out, or about the costs associated with going to a hospital day in and day out to see your family member. Donate that amount (or more, of course!) Or any amount that you can. I have only FOUR WEEKS LEFT to raise $1136.90.

If 29 people donate $40 I will be there. Or if 46 people donate $25. Or if 114 people donate $10 we can make it happen. Change a life today. Start here. Start now. Be relentless for a cure.

-- 
Amanda

I'm training for a half marathon with the Luekemia and Lymphoma Society.  Please help me find a cure!

so. hungry.

I'm hungry.  I have lost 1 lb.  Which could be a fictional lb because I weighed myself up on waking up this morning and after emptying my pee sack.  Then I think, I started on a Tuesday, why did I make my weigh in on Monday?  I will have totally lost another 5 by tomorrow.  I'm sure of it.  So that one lb weight loss is questionable at best.  I'm going to believe it's true though because I'm hungry.  Hungry.  I've been really sticking with the food parts of the ol' WW.  Mostly.  Like, I just ate 2 little halves of a candied walnut and I didn't count that because they were so small.  I also just counted out 19 stone ground wheat (disgusting) crackers to eat with my mini babybel light cheese.  Then I ate a banana.  Because they don't cost anything.

I could have lost a pound from going to see the help last night with some friends (aka book club) because I was a weeping fool.  A weeping fool who restricted calories yesterday so she could have 2 glasses of vino at the movies and a side salad.  The movie was GOOD, y'all.  For reals.  I even read the book and loved it.  Crying mess when people are mean.  Why are people so mean?  Why does Emma Stone look like she's 17?  Why did they not make her boobs look better.  I mean it's a movie and you can do that.  They weren't attractive.  Yes, I noticed.

I also got new bras on Saturday.  I went into VS and got measured and 18 year old girl with a measuring tape was all, "So, like have you ever been measured before?"  Me: "Yes, but I've recently stopped nursing* and so I think my boobs are finally my own again."  Her: "Umm... so should I show you to a fitting room?"  Me:  "yep."  She wasn't so helpful.  I tried on different sizes and shapes and I guess i'm happy with what has occurred minus the fact that my last purchases (a while ago) were D's, and I'm currently wearing a B--lefty is still a C, I think.  I told Ben it's because G$ sucked the life out of me.

*So I say I've stopped nursing, but we bring G down to our bed every morning and he NEEDS to nurse still. Which isn't true.  He doesn't need to because I've been gone running some mornings and he's fine when he just gets up and has breakfast.  My bazooms are done.  They have to like call up some old friends who are in the reserves every morning.  SO the truth is we could go all hard core but I keep reading all of these posts about being a mom and how it goes too fast and treasure the memories and keep in touch and call me next summer etc.  Then I get all "I have to hold onto the moments!" (where he snuggles up next to me and I can doze in and out of sleep for the next few mins--and he is still.  still.)  So there, I said it.  It's my dirty little secret.

And, my sister just sent me these 2 articles from Rants from mommyland which totally sum up my life over the past year.
One.
Two.

I'm going to go eat some more candied nuts.

For Heidi

I feel like these pics don't do justice. The shoes are ADORABLE. I love them. Lots.

Who needs a pedi? This girl.

Remember when I had a separation of chin and neck?

I do.  It was long, long ago.

I've started weight watchers again.  on Tuesday--and I'm starving.  So I'm attempting to give Griffin snacks without eating them myself.  oh, and trying to eat "good" things for me.  All of this leads to my current situation of wanting to eat my own arm.  I am hungry.  At some point I was really good at this.  I was really strict and lost a lot of lbs and was at my target weight.  It was easy and I loved it.  Now?  Sigh... I mean, I guess I CARE about losing weight (hello, just paid $60 for 3 months of things I already know), but my motivation is small.  Alcohol has gone up a lot of points.  What?  a Roman Coke is 4 pts?  That's what my breakfast was!  So you're saying I need to skip meals so I can enjoy an adult bevvie?  Lame.  But I'm doing it... ish.  I'm counting my food points and choosing to ignore my alcohol points.  That's the way it works, no?  I'm thinking no, but I'm going with yes.

So if you see me with a rabid look in my eye and a stumble in my step... know it's because I've sacrificed a meal for a cocktail.  I'm that mom right now.

Can I get a what what?

My boobs are freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.  Well, not free for the taking, but more free from the un-taking (mostly.  We have an occasional--mom of the year moment in the AM's when I try to coerce my baby back into sleeping by nursing him in bed with me.  What?  No award for that?)  Either way, I can go bra-less whenever I like.  No fear of an explosion.  No need to have super attractive hooks on my bra-zierres.  This all meaning, that I can go back to normal "pretty" undergarments.  So I've been wearing the oldies.  The pretty ones.

Dilemma--they don't fit that well.  They are uncomfy.  My bazooms are a different shape (tmi?)  The straps seem so skinny.  That is probably in my mind after wearing mama bra's.  So what now?  What do I do?  Do I have to go get fondled?  Suggestions?  Helps?

Why does that girl look so happy?  And... ps.  Don't google search "mom boobs."  Doesn't end the way I thought it would...

Shoe party?

Fundraising.  Yes please.  It's totally harder this time around... as is the running--which I'm currently blaming the car accident (and going to Michigan and having many bevvies with my BFF from grad school in temperatures that were in the 80's... and sometimes 50's.)  Which means, I'm totally behind on both.  Sucky suck suck.

Howevs, I'm having a tupperware party on Thursday.  Well, by tupperware I mean shoes and custom bags.  Fibi and Clo (how adorbs are these??) and 1154 Lill studio.  The shoesies are donating 10% of the proceeds and the bags are 15%.  Want to order and give me credit?  Message me and I will make it happen.  It's like a game changer up in here.  I'm getting the shoes pictured above.

So I got an email about fibi and clo a while ago on a "local" website and then saved it to order them when I got home.  I SEARCHED gmail in hopes of finding these shoes, but alas.  IT was not to be.  Until, at work, a lady who has the fashion sense of a mom from 1984, short shirts, and a love of all things ugly clogs had them on.  What?  Tell me more?  How did you find them?  HOW THE HELL DO YOU HAVE THESE SHOES AND I DON'T? (I yelled inside my head.)  So I contacted her "contact."  Decided my vision must have been Divinely inspired and I needed those damn shoes.  God told me so.

That's the purse I just designed.  De.  Sire.

I also left my root touch up on too long because G woke up 10 mins early and the color stayed on 5 mins too long.  Sigh, oh the life of mommy who also has a poo looking stain on her white pants (not poo.  promise.)

Es po-see-blay

That her name is Ns. Cleo or Fancy.

but I am le tired.

That's how I feel--about everything.  It's Sunday.  YAY a new week.  We're starting over.  Last week was for the birds... and I am no bird.  My weekend was sad.  My car is totaled.  My niece is amazing, but not gaining weight and they can't figure out why.  My dad's cousin had a heart attack and quadruple bypass surgery and not doing well.  It's effing hot.  My body hurts.  Turns out 8 miles is a lot further than it used to be, running wise.  I forgot an integral part of our dinner and le sigh... I am fatties.  All in all... I'm hoping that things come in gigantic waves and that my wave is over for now.  Waves are overrated in my opinion.  I remember going to the beach and my sister and I playing on our raft and floating way further down the ocean than we though.  We realized this way too late.  I feel like that now.

It's all fun and games until you can't find your beach towel.  And your snacks.  And your parents.

So someone send up a flair gun.  And while you're at it... figure out which car I should get.  Or come and babysit because taking a 1 year old and his car seat car shopping is not quite as exciting as you might think.

Because when it rains...

This is how I started my morning and subsequent afternoon.  Let me tell you--it was not exciting.  Thankfully Griffin was not with me.  Thankfully I was ok.  The girl who hit me was ok.  My car--definitely not ok.  Oddly, from inside of it (when I was getting out) you couldn't really tell anything was wrong--except when I went to get my insurance card out and my glove box wouldn't open.  I'll also tell you--myth busted on the fact that my car didn't explode when my gas tank busted.  Instead it just leaked.  I'm for that busted myth, fyi.  

This final one is me facing the opposite direction of which I was driving.  The insurance lady (for the other company) asked me if there was just damage on the door.  Um... yes?  SO until further notice I'm holding out hope it isn't totaled.  We have ONE YEAR.  ONE YEAR until my car was paid off and then we were going all HELLS YES WE DON"T HAVE A CAR PAYMENT.  You see those tires?  Those tires we HAD to have?  The ones who would have purchased me lots of new things?

Sigh... and I was going to write today about how I'm having a shoe party at my house in a few weeks.  Kind of like tupperware--only way better.

If I have no other tragic events in my life this week... I'll get to that.

Shit just got real.

I probably say that a lot... in my head.  Honestly, though, shit just got real.  My Uncle passed away in his sleep on Monday morning.  You know when you get a phone call at 7 am it's never good.  Basically ever.  Unless you have a friend who has just had a baby and has lost all track of time and is beyond her mind tired.  What?  no?  didn't happen to you?  It did to me.  Whatevs.

My Uncle has had soooooooooo many health problems, from as long as I remember.  However, it just doesn't seem real yet.  On Friday we will have his memorial service.  On Friday we will remember the man who had a house with a pool.  Who I begged to go to probably everyday of my life from age 6-....... a lot older.  My best friend and I spent MANY a summer afternoon there through our senior year.  A man who loved him some cologne.  Loved rugby.  Was in the rodeo.  Had a corvette.  Had a motorcycle that I was too scared to ride.  Had a camo spray painted fridge in his garage.  Got an earring when he got older.  Looked exactly like my grandfather with age.  And took some of the most fantastic photographs ever.

I am sad.  I'm sad because it also makes life a little more real.  Sad because I've never known life when this person wasn't alive.  There are a lot of details surrounding this--like my Aunt, who has dibilitating MS who sleeps in a hospital bed, and has a live in nurse.  All of it is sad.  All of it is tragic.

All of it is a little too real.

a little nakey time.

So we play outside nakers a lot. By we, I basically just mean Griffin. It is ridiculously hot here and almost too hot to even go to the pool. We have quite a bit of shade in the backyard and lots of toys so who needs a swimsuit/diaper? Not this guy. He really enjoyed going from the fire engine to the pool and back.

Sliiiiiiddddeee. It's a fun word to say. He l.o.v.e's the slide.

He also loves him some Mama.

And is obsessed with the zebra. It's the first toy he goes to and rides around the house terrorizing Gizmo whenever possible. Well, whenever Gizmo is not trying to heard him. So it's about 50-50.

Um, how cute is this little outfit? Fear not... it now has lunch all over it, but oh, so cute. And those are clam diggers... not highwaters. totes diff.

We had a GREAT weekend. Ben was home. We played. I ran. Ben and I went on a DATE with a babysitter and everything--we didn't go on a date with the babysitter. Just saying that we had a babysitter. I'm sure you got that point, but it sounded weird. We went to dinner at a delish place, had a bottle of vino, an amazing espresso granita, and then... it was only 8:30. So we went for a glass of wine at a different place--because we didn't want the babysitter to think we were lame-0, well that and we COULD go somewhere. It was awesome. We had a ton of fun. We still really like one another. I also went to Target BY MYSELF FOR AN HOUR. Yes, I had to write that in all caps because I'm basically screaming it from the roof tops. Well, I was. I'm not now.

You lost me after "Welcome."

So my husBen is totally a big deal.  He was on stage for the kick off of NI week in front of 5000 people.  For reals.  NI week is when all of the national instruments locations from all of the world come to Austin and do... things.  They also have lots of meetings with their "alliance" partners.  Lots of dinners.  Lots of late nights.  Lots of early mornings.

So I battled the traffic to see Dr. Ben Black on a big ol' stage.  Let me tell you how this went.  It took me almost an hour to get there, then I parked on the street (heck yes to paying the machine with a credit card), went inside and got a latte and a scone.  Total convention center prices.  Um, hello $8.  Ridiculous.  Followed everyone who appeared to know what they were doing to a GIGANTIC room.  Then it started.  "Welcome....ramble ramble ramble ramble.  Computers.  Moore's law.  Other things.  Simulation."  I have no idea.  Literally the president of their company started talking and I have NO IDEA what he said--other than something about 1965.  Apparently, my technology knowledge is totally behind 65.  Whatevs.


I was helping Ben with his lines on Monday night and stopped and said, "wait.  Is anyone else going to know what you're talking about?"  Apparently yes... but only engineery people.  Nothing like an $8 coffee and computer speak to make a girl feel dumb.

So what have I been doing?  Cleaning.  Cleaning out the pantry, cleaning out the cabinets, cleaning out our laundry room, doing laundry, cleaning toys, and today I did the floors... and promptly found myself saying, "Maggie.  Please don't vomit on the floor right now.  I just cleaned it."

This is not configuring properly.  I should have had an engineer do it, I suppose.  Up above is the monkey my mom made for G for his bday.  Want one?  Any animal.  Let me know.

And him sleeping.  Oh.  My.  Goodness.  I swoon.  I took the chance on the adorableness vs. waking up.  Hells yes to the video monitor to alert me of cuteness.  The other pics are of me being an awesome mom and letting him watch some TV, in a diaper, while laying on Maggie.  I'm up for mom of the year.  I also give him diet coke in a bottle in his bed.  (not true.)

We'll save another post for the weaning discussion.  Down to 2x per day.  Next week... I'm thinking once.  Bring it.

exorcism?

Last week G$ started saying "nana."  Cutest smartest thing ever.  Until today when he woke up screaming unconsolably from his nap.  Told me he needed to eat.  Sat in the high char and re-started screaming for a NANANANANANA.  No, I'm not torturing him.  But no one needs 3 nana's in 2 days.

Exorcisms involve glasses of wine, right?

The power of suggestion.

I'm under it.  Here's the thing.  I have had 2 blog "friends" post about the SAME BEACH vacay in the last few days.  I mean, they weren't ON the same trip, but both took (what appear to be) amazing pictures from the same BEACH.  A beach I've never heard of in a state where I've never been.  I decided I needed to go there before I even googled (which LBH, I google all things I don't know including parenting advice) to find is in Oregan.

It was a beach AND there are long sleeves involved.  That is like the best of both worlds.  And their trips were with family and friends and kids.  I mean, who doesn't like to see a little one in some beach gear or a button up and a sweater and some boat choose?

So I mean, I guess I'm not saying I want to be on THEIR trip (though I love an invite--call me xoxo.)  I think it's that they look like they're having SO much fun.  They are with people they love.  Laughing.  Having some drinks (in my imaginations), hanging out with friends kids.  It's TRADITION.  And this is all in my head.  I have no idea in reality.  Here is the reality--I love the beach.  I love long sleeves.  I love jackets.  I love trips with friends.  I want to go on a trip with some friends.  I love children.  Love.

I need to go to this place.  Stat.