Spanx a lot.

I do not love spanx.  I like the theory of them, but in practice, they make me feel as if I cannot breathe.  At all.  They do hold a flask securely against your thigh,  though.  I mean, should you be reading this and in college.  It was ingenious at the time.  Right?  Except for the fact that you were pouring alcohol in a bathroom stall.  Gross.

Anyway, today I purchased a spanx swimsuit at target.  Hot, right?  I mean, once I'm in it, it's kind of ok.  Getting into it looks as if I am trying to stuff a sausage into a casing.  (when I take it off it is the can of biscuits effect.)  Or an over sized pillow into a "european" pillow case.  It isn't pretty.  It causes me to sweat.  I'm not entirely sure I can sit down once it's on, but it looks ok... for mom swimwear.

I'm one Tina Fey and Amy Poehler skit away from losing all credibility with kids these days.  Thoughhhh please go back to the top and reference how cool I USED to be.