Back in the day when I was young I'm not a kid anymore

So "back in the day" last year sometime. since i've had a baby all memories and time frames have been shot to hell I used to take pregnancy tests in hoping I was pregnant and because I can be a little neurotic. Totally normal for people wanting to have kids. (And I totally acknowledge that most people don't take like 85 in a row... and that once they get a positive they don't take 5 more thinking it was probably a bad batch.)

Is it weird sad that I'm considering taking one because I'm fat and I'm kind of hoping there is a reason other than my slovenliness? I mean, I don't HOPE I'm pregnant, but it would be awesome if there was a reason that I need to eat, in mass quantities, all things sweet.

Basically, I need someone to blame this on.

I can blame my school marm hair on one person. I decided to go with a groupon instead of going to my normal guy. Which was ok for a little while. Now, it is an issue. It's a situation. I have a mullet. I have a mom-mullet. I have Carol Brady hair. Not, Flo, but Carol. It's sad times, friends, sad times. I think I will console myself with some beverage and some chips...except I ate all of the chips already. Damn baby.