I'll cut you.

So remember how my baby was just born? 8months ago.

I know, crazy that he can already whittle tooth brushes down into a shank. Seriously, for some reason this kids nails are like razors. He'd totally make it in the big house. He wouldn't take shit from anyone. He regularly shanks my nose. I typically restrain myself from using poor word choices. I mean, my newborn 8month old saying mama and dada... and possibly "hi".

Tbd.

So in college I had 2 majors and one minor--all in liberal arts. When it was close to graduation my parents asked, "Sooooooooooooo.... what are you going to do with that?" My answer, "ummmm grad school?" I mean, what do you do with a double major in psych (child development), religious studies, and a minor in sociology (with a focus in family systems/criminology.) Wha??? yah... Love me some criminology. So I got a masters of divinity. Yes, that's Master to you. Ben likes to be called Dr. I say, that's fine... just call me master. I'll take that over Dr.

For some reason my L.A. college didn't offer a teaching degree. Not sure why... that's probably what I'd be, though. That or a prison warden. If I were a prison warden I'd probably be more apt to deal with the shank wounds I'm receiving on regular occasion.

So tonight, so I don't "get it in my sleep" I decided to rock him to sleep. It had nothing to do with the fact that since I'm planning his 1st bday party (Yes, it's early. Yes, it's ridiculous. Yes, I also love an excel file.) He's basically 13 and we have nothing in common and he's super dirty and hates bathing and probably ignores talks to girls on the phone.

I don't think they like to be rocked to sleep then, right? And probably don't like for mom to kiss all over them before nap time. I mean, I'm guessing.

Either way, watch out because he doesn't take shit from anyone. bitch.

This is not a post for advice on how I need to cut my son's nails. I do this regularly. Apparently I am not supposed to file them down into sharp razor blade points. Don't openly judge me. Please judge me in the confines of your own home; or over a play date. But, if it's going to be a play date, please also be drinking wine. And, reference my blog so I can become famous... and then someone else can cut his nails 2x per week and bail him out of jail