Do not be afraid.

to be... thoughtful, thankful, joyful, sad, contemplative, angry, alone, together, celebrating, mourning, and preparing.

Tonight is the last night==tonight we light the 4 advent candles and the center white Christ Candle.

"In those days a decree went out from Emperor Augustus that all the world should be registered. This was the first registration and was taken while Quirinius was governor of Syria. All went to their own towns to be registered.

Joseph also went from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to the city of David called Bethlehem, because he was descended from the house and family of David. He went to be registered with Mary, to whom he was engaged and who was expecting a child. And she gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in bands of cloth, and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn.

[Light the Christ candle.]

In that region there were shepherds living in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. Then an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid; for see -- I am bringing you good news of great joy for all the people: to you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign for you: you will find a child wrapped in bands of cloth and lying in a manger."

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace among those whom he favors."

When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let us go now to Bethlehem and see this thing that has taken place, which the Lord has made known to us." So they went with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the child lying in the manger. When they saw this, they made known what had been told them about this child; and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds told them. But Mary treasured all these words and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, as it had been told them. (Luke 2:1-20, NRSV.)

All: Come, Lord Jesus. Amen.

So many times I've heard these stories told--are they correct? are they pieced together? are they just stories? decidedly so, but does this diminish the need to hear the story, to live it, to learn it, to love it, to tell it? No.

Can you say, without a genuine smile, "for unto you this child is born." I sure can't. Maybe it's because my sister is having a baby soon, or the entire world I know is also having a baby soon, but the miracle of life is so captured here. The child is not brought into a perfect world, but a world of love, and devotion. There are the bare amount of gifts, the parents are scared, and God sends someone to them and says "Be not afraid." No, I'm not implying that every child born is the Messiah, but that this story expemplifies some of the struggles and hardships that we all face. Every birth, every child, every one of us is part of the creation, part of this Divine story. God looks at each of you and announces, "Glory to God in the highest! Peace on earth among all."

"Do not be afraid" this Christmas--stand before your (occasionally annoying family) and love and cherish them. Know that because of each of them you are able to be you. Take time this holiday season to search for that spark among your families--even after you've been hanging out for 2 days staright and you want to kill someone. (this is not the peace the big G is after.) Look at their faces and think about the miracle of their birth--every face. Not just those who profess Christianity, but every face contains that spark. Sometimes it gets clouded, sometimes it's hard to see, but it's there. (It's like in Hook when Peter goes back to Never Neverland and is grown up and fat and the kids don't recognize him for a bit.) That's reverant, right?

I wish you all many holiday blessings, many joys, many ups and many downs--and in all of this to remember the miracle and the glory of the season.

It's a hard knock life for me

... no one cares for you a snitch, when you're in an orphanage.

Or, when you are the new person and have like zero vacation time. Who would have thought that I, working at a religious organization, would have to work on Christmas Eve. I mean, I work with churches for goodness sake. NONE of them are open!!! I mean, it's basically pointless. It isn't that I don't have work to do, but does anyone do work the day before vacation? I mean, CHRISTMAS EVE. I need to prepare for the birth of the Lord. I'm relatively sure that requires me cleaning my house and then sitting in the car for 3 hours on the way to Dallas, having family Christmas with Ben's family and then going to church.

The rumor is that we may get out at 12. I mean, this is quite generous and I can't complain, but I'm going to... only because I shouldn't be working at all. In my opinion. Yes, I could take off. I could use one of my 2.83 vacation days, but I'm saving them. Tonight the goal is to finish cleaning the house and pack. This all seems extremely simple, but it isn't. It takes a lot more work than one may believe. I mean, outfits, dogs, presents, luggage, cleaning the bathroom, the kitchen, organizing. It's hard work to prepare. Yes, I could take off and then not worry as much about time and when we leave etc, but then I'm also trying to think ahead, vacation wise. This stresses me out. If I took tomorrow off we could get up and leave relatively early--not worry as much about traffic, get there at a decent time, but I take a vacation day. Or, I can work for 1/2 day, run home, pack the car, get on the road, pray that it doesn't take us 5 hours to get there like it did for Thanksgiving (usually a 2.5 hour trip), and keep my vacation time.

Thoughts? What's the plan? If I go ahead and turn in my vacation time, and then they announce that we DO get to leave at 12... will it count as a full day? I'm guessing yes :(

Stressful.

morphine, imprints, and the pretty life.

I have finally conlcuded my love affair with the Twilight series. It has changed my life... or at least my last month. I'm a wealth of information when it comes to Vampires and Shape Shifters (who some assume to be werewolves--they aren't.) I'm sad that it's over. I'm disappointed to go back to watching tv. I'm sad to not come home to Bella and Edward and their life changing world. I mean, they have "forever."

I will say--the last book is not my favorite--probs because J. Black is all up in there messing things up and loving on babies, narrating the first 1/2 (annoying-town), and generally smelling up the place. Though, I do appreciate his disgust for Rosealie.

I now have some assumptions about the world...

1. The mafia is really vampires--espesh the mafia in Italy.
2. Really pretty people--vamps.
3. Michael Jackson--also a vamp because he can moon walk.
4. During menopause and hot flashes women become close to a werewolf--intense heat and uncontrollable moonds.
5. Teenagers should not be vampires.
6. I need a special gift.

put sufjan stevens on...

Ps. I heart him. I also love his rendition of Come Thou Fount.

I have nothing in particular to write about today. Ever other month we have to work on Friday until 4 pm (typically we get off at 12:30 unless doing something that requires us to stay at the office.) Today, is said Friday for me--not having a lot to do, but having it be my "late" day. Boo. This especially stinks because we have to immediately leave to drive to Houston when I get home. Ben is in his friend from colleges wedding. We aren't even going to make it there in time for the rehearsal so we'll just meet them at dinner. Luckily, he's no stranger to the aisle walking. I think we should both actually add that to our resumes under "skills." I may also add "sale finding" and liturgical dancing. I haven't quite decided...

So it should be fun to go to Houston and see some friends that we don't get to see that often. I'm debating on if I should go running with K, one of my honored heroes and friends, on sat morning at 6 AM! I haven't worked out in a while and I feel rather disgusting. I've been eating tons... totally a holiday conspiracy to make me gain weight. Someone should do something about this. We'll see what tonight holds. If we're in relatively early, I think I'm game for the 8 miles.

So we had our holiday gift exchange at work today. What a beautiful Friday that was started with breakfast tacos. I mean, isn't that a gift enough in and of itself? I say, "yes!" But we had white elephant, I ended up with $15 to starbucks. Then we had a Christmas lunch--also amazing food with an unexpected holiday "bonus." It turns out, working at a church you don't get bonuses. I mean, I think the only Christmas bonus I've ever gotten was from the people I baby sat for. So, how grateful am I? Pretty stinkin' excited! I suppose being a grown up has its perks :) Mayb's I can stick that dolla into savings for our Italia trip. I better start calling it Italia now because clearly, I'll be fluent once we return.

I'm still down to needing to purchase 3 gifts. Blech. I mean, I LOVE buying presents for people. Love love love it. I like to think about it and try really hard (and I make lists.) It's out of my control. I'm a list maker. I currently have one sitting next to me with the things I need to remember to pack this afternoon. It's part of my fake ocd.

I also didn't make it around to my extensive cleaning and laundry doing that I had intended last night. I got my hur trimmed, sushi with new friend, then home. The sushi and wine lasted a while though so I didn't get home until 9... which, if you know me, 10 pm is around the time of winding down (except when I get enthralled with my vamp books and can't put them down.)

So now I have an hour of work left, though I'm thinking maybe 45 minutes and I'm outta here. I haven't yet begun to restrict my liquid intake... which I'm sure will be an annoyance to my hubs later, but alas life is life.

SO, remaining on my list... get my things together for the conference on Monday (have to stay out at a resort), pack, clean up, love my dogs, shut de do', keep out de devil, head to Houston, read my vamp book in the car, paint my toe nails (also in the car... sorry, Ben), change clothes ina gas station (ew), and then be charming. All in a days work..................

Emotional Involvement.

So, I've continued on my vampire quest and have now finished the 2nd book in about... 2 days. I came home from work, read (oh, ps... read at lunch displaying anti-social behavior), ate dinner and watched Prince Caspian on our NEW TV. It has a lot of letters LCDHD bla bla blue ray dvd. I know nothing of TV's other than this is better than my old one that I got with a $100 gift card for moving into my apartment when I moved to Atlanta 6.5 years ago. Yah, we were behind the times, but not any more! I digress... so watched the movie--way more violent than I thought it would be, and then immediately went back to reading and didn't stop until I was finished. In the midst of this Ben went to bed. I remained in bed reading, lights on. Oops. I had also planned on getting up this AM to run. But alas, I was tired from consuming too much drama.

Update: Just spent my lunch hour at target and bought the next book. Oh the thrills :) If only I could get really... "sick" and go home and start reading now. I need an intervention. That's what I'll call my SMU happy hour tomorrow and girl sushi night on Thurs--an intervention. Both including wine? does that work? I say, "yes."

Is it wrong that I want Ben to be a vampire? No, not one of the ones who eats people. I had to clear this up with him last night. There are OTHER good, well dressed, vampires who are lovely to be around--unless you start miraculously bleeding. Then it's a bit touch and go.

About me--I have a tendency to get wrapped up in the drama of tv, books, etc. It's just who I am. WIll this fade? Absolutely. Will I always have a fondness in my heart for Edward? Most assuredly so. Will someone consider having me psychoanalyzed? Outlook good.

Thus begins the holidays.

A series of unfortunate events.

Work should begin at 10 am and end at 4 pm. I got a call yesterday morning saying I didn't need to be in until 10 because someone hit a gas line. Oops for thems, yays for mes! Seriously, though I was then awake to my crazy dog needing to go out, and then scratching at the window, it was still realllllllllllly nice to just lay in bed! It made my day move rather quickly... minus my interaction with the law.
I got a ticket. Jerk. So, I'm driving to work in my marry old way (happy that I'm going in late, unhappy with my outfit, disgruntled about not really having much winter clothing) and there is a motorcycle cop sitting in the road. (ok, not in the road... but beside it.) SO............. he pulls me over and says, "I've pulled you over due to your speed. Do you know how fast you were going?" Me, "Yes sir, my speedometer said 45." Him, "Actually, it was 46, but close. The speed limit is 35." Me, (shiz) "wow, I really thought the speedlimit was 45." Him... "I'm an ass. You're right. It IS ridiculous that the speedlimit on this road is 35. I'll see to it that this is changed." None of that happened. He just handed me a ticket and told me to contact the court before Jan 4. Done and done. No worries, I sent in my info on the Methodist Foundation envelope... I'm pretty sure this will win me bonus points with the judge... or at least have her allow me to do defensive driving. I haven't had a ticket in 4 years!! Probs closer to 4.5 years. So, it's ok I suppose. I was due for some ticketing.
So then... (I'm a pen chewer) I notice that my lips have a nasty taste and so do my pens. Gross. Like all day I'm sitting there thinking that something is wrong with me... probably a drastic illlness with sudden onset and one of the symptoms is a nasty taste on your lips. Oh wait... I sprayed bitter apple stuff all over the bottom of our christmas tree so Maggie wouldn't eat it yesterday. It totally works. I would never eat anything that tasted like that. I will not be attempting to eat our christmas tree or the ornaments... at least the ones on the bottom half.
ANNNNNND, there was a company meeting (optional, I opted not to go because it didn't effect me) and so I left to go to the restroom only to come back to the front door and find I'm locked out because the lady at the front is in the meeting. SO, I had to wait a while until someone came to let me in. Hilarious.

Basically, though, I had a good day. It ended with sushi, wine, laundry, and Harry Potter. Today I fly home for my sisters baby shower (and I'm buying the 2nd book in the Twilight series!!!!) Teenage vampires. I love them. I love them... and eye patches. Those are not related. The second one just refers to my fascination with pirates.

Dear Clinton, please come be my bff.

So Clinton Kelly will SIGN his newest book for you. Ok, if you are where he is he'll sign it.. OR, if you purchase it, send him the reciept, he will sign a sticker that you can then place in the front cover of your book. Freakin' Fabulous. I want it. I also desire him to be my bff. I'm not entirely sure how I should stalk him in an appropriate manner so that he sees he needs me. He probably needs me to be on his show or to do something else wonderful. Now how to begin this friendship that is our destiny... hmmm...suggestions?

Which moves me to my other fantasy friendship. So, I think my nurse practitioner is pretty amazing. Granted, I first was intrigued by her when we moved here and I had zero friends and she was young (but older than me) and obvi intelligent. And, dont' get me wrong, I like going to the doctor at signs of death--and because I hated my job and desperately hoped they'd find some sort of not serious serious illness so I wouldn't have to go to the hopeless void that was the spa. Anyway, well, she called me 2x last week with my lab results--I feel our friendship even more. So, I googled her name, found her email address, and emailed her to send me my results because I have no clue what anything she said meant--nor did I write it down. So, yesterday 2 very short emails later--I'm sure we'll be dating and seeing movies soon. Perhaps I'm jumping the gun a bit. Maybe one of the emials simply stated that I'm indeed not low on vitamin d. It doesn't matter. I used my best sarcastic hilarious wit and replied. Now I sit awaiting a long winded email infused with how cool I am.

Oh, back to life, back to reality--back to the here and now. SO, tonight I plan on cleaning, doing laundry, and putting up my Christmas tree while my hubs works late--every night this week! Lame. I also need to run. SO, I'm attempting to not lose all of my endurance from training, but I haven't been running so much in the last few weeks. I'm back on schedule starting this week though. I'm training for a 1/2 in January. My goal is to get faster. This training schedule is basically going to kick my arse though. Yikes. If only the holidays were filled with downtime and not hectic craze. Lucky for me... I only have 3 gifts left to purchase... oh, well that and the fact that holiday cards are hit or miss for me. We'll see what happens there. If you dont' get one, know I at least thought about it.

27 minutes left to save the world...

or of my Monday, which is more like a Tuesday or Wednesday since it's a short work week. YAY for that... boo for extensive traveling. I'm sure I've complained about this before to you 3 readers, oh wait, I have 4 now, I forgot! Anywho's... occasionally, I wish that my parents and my in-laws lived in completely different areas. Instead, they are an hour apart and there is always an expectation of our seeing everyone and being in a continual drive from Dallas to Ft. Worth and Ft. Worth to Dallas. It's tiring. I mean, I'm also thankful that I don't have to choose to split holidays and we CAN see people, but good Lord... It's exhausting. It actually makes me tired just to think about. So, we are driving to Dallas on wed. after work--with the entire population of Austin on IH 35. Yay for that... and then we're running the Dallas turkey trot, and then immediately driving to my parents house where at 2pm everyone--my husbands, parents, aunt and uncle, cousin, cousin, cousin, and gma will also arrive. Somehow there family has gotten larger than ours? Then, I will continue to graze for an entire day--eating when I'm not hungry, passing through the kitchen and picking up a left over dinner roll, eating mac n cheese in mass quantities, and forcing myself to eat one piece of turkey (I don't like it.) I'll lie on the couch that evening wondering how many calories I've consumed. I'll probs watch a movie that no one else will actually be watching because they too are in a food coma that requires rest. Friday--is the dilemma. I was hoping to stay in town and go to Ft. Worth for the parade and lighting of the tree. but, one of Ben's ETX cousins is in a play off game in Tyler. So option 2 is to drive to Tyler and watch the game and then stay the night at the farm only to have his E.TX thanksgiving at the Farm on Saturday and stay the night and then drive 5 million (or just 5) hours back to Austin. yay... if only someone else paid for our gas.

Perhaps I can find a downloadable form of the next twilight book on audio. I'm sure that listening about vampires would probably cure my travel woes. On amazon, though, it's like $30 and that's crazy. I can use good old fashioned books for much cheaper.

In other holiday-ness I have begun my Christmas shopping. I'd like for it to be over quickly so that I don't have to ruin my holiday spirit by being in a shopping area with other people. it makes me cranky.

And... I have ridiculously short pixie hair. I think I kinda like it. I went in to get my color done on Friday, and Ryan "had a vision" and so chopped all my hair off. Loverly.

It's sweeping the (high school) nation...

and I've jumped on that audacious car and am taking flight with the vampires. I've mentioned my new found intoxication with Twilight. It's true. I even read at lunch. Nerd. The movie comes out this weekend and I'm not sure I want to see it and let me tell you why... the pictures I have already seen of some of the characters are not how I imagine them--especially Bella. I think she should be more plain looking. Whatevs though. I want to see it. I have about 160 pages left in the book. I'm sure I can get it done, but not before my....

2nd Date with my new friend! Yes, that's right... I don't think we're official yet, but we've gone out once before, shared a sofa bed at a bachelorette party, and we have our 2nd sushi and wine event planned for tonight. I know I know... making friends should be easy, and I have friends, but when you are venturing out into that territory of making NEW friends it's a bit daunting. I mean, you have to be on your best behavior--only subtle tackiness, you think about what you wear, where you'll eat, etc!... as if I don't constantly think about where I'll eat--this is neither here nor there, though. I've already prefaced this evening with the fact she can't judge me because my roots need to be done (getting done tomorrow) and that my face is flaky and peeling from being sunburned this weekend. (Which, PS, is a hideous (and itchy) thing.) To prepare I just went and got some froyo--seriously, I have a problem with my frozen yogurt consumption. If things go well tonight, we may even make it to the new cupcake store that just opened. That's serious. I have instant intrigue and devotion to her for admitting that she has a thing of marshmellow fluff in her closet though. We are MFEO, maybe I'll buy her a necklace.

Tomorrow I'm getting my hair colored (and hopefully shaped up on the left side.) When I left the salon last week my hair was cute, and then I fixed it myself and the left side is wonky. Granted, the left side of my hair flips out, but this is just annoying me. AND, we (basically Ryan, my hair guy) decided to grow out my bangs (I always just do what the hair people say), and so they are also annoying and awkward. yay... Ok, color--thoughts? I'm thinking of going dark for winter--but not too dark. Any suggestions?

I also have happy hour tomorrow night with some of my running group. It's like our first Friday out because there is no run sat morning! YAY. I'm totes sleeping in, and then unfortch doing laundry and cleaning. Booooooooooooo

And it's finally going to be cold tomorrow! Yay! Somehow, though, ever winter I'm convinced I have zero clothing options available. I think winter clothes must only last one season or something.

And last night... I know... lots of ands, but anyway... we saw the space station fly through the sky, went to see Bond, and got tickets to the Nutcracker!!! Rawr. duh du dududu dududu dingle dingle ding

For whom I run

Mile 1--Ali--in Memory (Adine's father)
2--Hannah--in memory (friend from Candler's sister)
3--Ben--in honor (in my youth group in Atlanta)
4--Emily--teams honored hero
5--Rebecca--teams honored hero
6--Korey--teams honored hero
7--Kelli Lillienstern--In Honor (One of Ben's friends from college--and now my friend--running her first TNT event in JANUARY!!!)
8--Mark Rogers-Berry
9--Nikki
10--Linzie
11--Amy
12--The Weldon's
13--My TEAM (all my ladies--and the 3 guys in Austin who I have met 2x a week for the last 6 months)
14--Beth and Tom
15--Jeannie and Rob Hunter-Dunbar (their wedding song came on)
16--Adine Zornow
17--My SMU sista's
18--For Change!
19--My In-laws
20--My Candler Peoples
21--My friends in the ATL
22--for every person who has been a TNT runner--walker--triatholoner--hiker--biker--For all the training and time and the $ raised.
23--Courtney and Chris
24--Ben Black (he was there)
25--My Parents
26--Me
.2--all of those whom feel the affects of Blood Cancers

Teenage Angst

All I need is some skinny jeans, a scarf, a tanktop, and maybe some vans? And I'll be an adequate high schooler--complete with my interest in devouring a book about vampire love. Yes, I gave in. I have now purchased (and read 260 pages in one night) of TWILIGHT. I mean, everyone knows that I am a reading nerd, this is no secret. I also have a love of popculture... though I'm not sure I can call this culture. Whatever. I'm in. I'm an Edward fan.

Is this a good book? eh? Um, not as much as it is entertaining. I won't add it to my list of faves or anything, but I will read obsessively until I've finished it, go to the movie, critique it, and then purchase the next one in the series.

Ps. I learned last night that it's just a myth that vampires sleep in coffins. They can, however, read minds.

I wanna go fast

So, for all 3 of you that read this blog with the sort of dedication in which I write (half hazardly of course), I'm sure you've been awaiting my post about completing my FIRST marathon and even more interested to hear how my new skirt worked out.

As a marathoner (I like to throw that in there)... ok, perhaps I should start at the beginning. I was really nervous about this weekend! I mean, I've done my training (almost all of it) and have run a 20 mile-er before, but never the full 26.2. And, because of the taper I was beginning to worry that I had lost all semblance of endurance (though I've been assured that this doesn't happen that quickly.) Anywho... we started in coral 15--(we ='s people from my running group that typically stick together on our long runs.) There were about 5 of us and I was super thankful for them. I went to bed early on Saturday after a long day of traversing San Antonio by foot and then our Pasta Party with some great speakers and moving talks about the changes that have been made in the last 20 years in finding a cure for cancer. For example, in 1988 the cure rate for Hodgkins was like 5% and is now about 90%. Team in training is largely responsible for the amount of funding that goes towards both cancer research and helping to fund families expenses. Anywhoozles... so I woke up super early and put on my bedazzled race day shirt, my new skirt, stuffed the pockets with gu and salt pills, body glided up, donned the shoes and the ipod and headed downstairs to meet the TEAM. Let me tell you... it was COLD on Sunday morning. cold cold cold, but only for about 2 miles. I tossed my long sleeves, my gloves, and my headband thing for my ears around mile 2. there were 30,000 participants at this race (700 of which were TNT) so needless to say it was necessary to have 30 corrals of people who started in waves.

My Ah-mazing husband woke up early and saw me at mile 3, 8, 10, (something else) and then SURPRISED me at mile 24, and let me tell you, I needed it then! but I get ahead of myself. So, brain function was not at 100% and for about 20 seconds I tried to figure out what half of 26.2 miles is, duh. Anyway, we passed the half way point and it was a little overwhelming to think about how much further we had. It was a LONG out and back from there with not many spectators, bands, or supporters. What is amazing, though, with TNT is having your own name on your shirt and EVERYONE cheers for you, by name. It's very encouraging and moving. I had coaches from other teams run with me 2 times just to check to see how I was doing and if I needed anything. I also saw Adine (I run for her dad, Ali) 2x. She is such an inspiration (sadly, no pics of us from the course this year.) Well, we lost one of my running friends about mile 13, and another around 18 and then I had my last one stick with me through mile 20 and then she needed to walk so I was by myself. I kept going. I knew that if I stopped then I might not be able to keep going. It was great. I saw Ben at 24 and he ran with me a little bit and kept telling me how strong I looked and how great I was doing and he'd see me at the finish line. I kept going and then ran into our coaches at mile 25ish and Stephanie and Katie ran with me for about 1/2 a mile so once I was to 25.5 I told Steph that I could make it the rest of the way. I sped up, gave it my all and basically sprinted the last 1/2 mile (I'm crazy... it's what I do.) It was awesome! I was so excited to be finished and not keel over (yet.) So, I finish, raise my hands, get ushered through some lines, take a photo, find the TNT tent, get a pbj and a water and then... death ensues. I had to sit down... I almost yarfed. Literally, I had to sit for about 45 minutes with minimal talking, much concentrating on keeping my food inside me, and then laying on the ground. I also went through a brief period of wanting to choke my mom (should I have been able to move) because she asked about 5 minutes after I finished if my legs hurt. Yes, yes they did in case you are also wondering. She meant well and I was excited that my parents were there! yay. They left and we sat at the finish line a long time and hung out with friends (ben claims my hair smelled good.) Then we walked about a mile back to the hotel, had a few beers, ate 2 dinners, went to the victory part, went to a concert, went back to the hotel and went to bed.

Good Lord... I'm missing so many details about the amazingness. I also had to get up and head back to Austin early because of a board meeting I couldn't avoid on Monday morning.. I even wore HEELS! I felt really great with minimal soreness. I took yesterday off and had my first pedicure in like 5 months. delish.

Now what do I train for?

(pics coming soon.)

Detox

So, this is my week of detox, though perhaps I've shared a bottle of wine 2 times with the hubs this week. Oops. But, I've been running so that's good, right? ok... I missed one long run in the last 2 weeks so that isn't good... and I'm trusting that when everyone talkes about this "tapering" process that I'm SUPPOSED to feel like I'm losing all endurance and athletic ability. I hope so, because that's exactly what I feel like. That, and that I'm gaining 10 lbs per day. EXACTLY what I need.

I'm still in search of my perfect raceday skirt. I sucked it up and bought the one I've been coveting and took it for a test run on monday. Highly disappointing. It has all of my skirt needs--lots of pockets and a hole for my headphones to go through, but alas, it rides up and that isn't attractive. So, I'm still in search. I just realized today is Thursday so maybe I can go check a different one out tonight or tomorrow between getting my hiar cut and my eyes checked. Hopefully they'll keep my eyes bad for a little while until I have time to get my hair colored. Eh? it might work. Oh Ryan, why do you not always conform to my schedule?

Tonight. Get excited. You won't believe the joy this brings me--but I am going to bedazzle my raceday shirt. I mean, not in the TRUE bedazzling sense because I'm not adding rinestones (sadly,) but I AM adding some sparkly puff paint. What more could a girl want? This way I will fashionably display the names of persons for whom I run in honor and in memory. I'm a puff paint nerd. I realize this. No need to chastise. I tried to think of a place to add some rinestones, but I can't think of anywhere appropriate.

I know I've been blogging about this run, for... forever, but it's FINALLY here. 6 months of giving up on being fun and going out and all of those good things. Granted, it's been a nice tradeoff of learning the city, getting new friends, pushing myself to the limit.. oh, and helping find a cure for cancer.

So, now it's Wednesday--crap, no it's THURSDAY and I just have 3 days until I meet my demise--push myself to the ultimate limit (and hopefully be able to run the whole time). I can't wait to cross the finish line. I'm deathly afraid of those last 6 miles. I'll hit mile 20 and have about another hour to go. I mean, that last mile--victory lap for sure, but I don't want to collapse, but don't judge me if I do. I'll blame it on the emotions. Then I'll have a beer and be instantly drunkstown (which ='s funstown.) Then, I want to go eat some amazing nachos covered in queso, have a margarita and then an ice both and THEN take a nap. Woah... busy day.

Pray for me. light a candle, chant my name, something on Sunday morning. Oh, and keep your fingers crossed for good weather and no chaffing.

Reactions.

SO, there are some things I don't quite get... I know I'm not ALWAYS anal retentive and I'm not as obsessive about cleaning as I obsess in my mind to be. Does that make sense? It does to me...I have the obsessions and not always the compulsions :) Anyway, I've noticed, though, that I have reacted to my mom's inability to be on time--anywhere--ever. SO, this weekend I went home after running my LAST group run before the day of physical exhaustion... we high tailed it to Dallas, went to the SMU football game, had a lovely evening with friends and stayed at Ben's parents house. I was going to Ft. Worth the next morning to have lunch with moomsy and poopsy and sister prior to her FIRST baby shower. It takes me an hour to get to the lunch destination, and I leave in adequate time, checking the clock approx every 15 minutes to make sure I'll be there at 12 or 12:15 at my mothers request. I arrive, at 12:02. Safe. I get out of the car, walk towards the line, only to answer my phone and have my mom say, "I hope you're running late?" me, "Um, no. I just got here. Where are you?" her "Well..... perhaps I'm running a bit late." me "Where are you?" Her.. "Rhome..." which I know means she hasn't even made it there yet. It means that she's ACTUALLY about 10 minutes from this high hope of a goal. I don't understand. I worry, continually, about being on time for such events. Well, not worry continously, but make extreme effort and stress (this is not helped when I have not planned out my attire as this WILL cause me to be late and my husband to get a glass of wine and take his appropriate place on the couch and say, that looks nice with each outfit I parade in front of him with the constant comments of "I hate my clothes. I want a new wardrobe." ) Our differences can also be seen in the lack of planning for thanksgiving that sends her into uncontrollable Holiday mom... or Holiday Helga as I affectionately call her (while hiding from the wrath.) I'm sure this holiday-ness is passed down from female to female who hose family gatherings. YOu become stressed and speak in high pitches and expect people to read your mind about what you should be doing. I'm sure I'll someday succomb to the illness that I believe xanex can fix. I am trying to help her come upw tih a list of foods... days to prepare and then the final preparations will be easy. She resists like a teenager going to church or a middle school boy taking a shower. Alas... I have created a reaction to this constant lateness, frenzied, hurried, holiday mom... that I'm sure will be my future--God bless us all.

a lapse in judgement...

and posting. Too many life issues to come up and take my mind off of blogging... but I found my card to Ben from our 3 year anniv. and I had copied down one of the readings from our wedding which seems appropriate with all that his happening at this point in time. (no, not with us)

"...It is the nature of love to create. A marriage itself is something which has to be created. To marry is the biggest risk in human relations that a person can take if we commit ourselves to one person for life. This is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom, rather it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession, but participation. it takes a lifetime to learn another person. When love is not a possession, but participation, then it is part of that co-creation which is our human calling." Madeline L'Engle

OH, so you think YOU have it bad...

SO, I don't really like Mondays. I suppose if Monday were Tuesday I wouldn't particularly love it either. Neither here nor there. Mondays typically consist of a longerish run for me (which means getting up early... again) and then a poor hair choice of putting my quite short hair into a pony tail. Anywho, my long run was on Sunday this week so I showered yesterday afternoon and couldn't make myself get up this morning to do it again (this postpones my longer-ish run to tomorrow or wed.) I just feel like I can't get enough rest. Anyway, so I'm a bit sore after my 18 mile trek yesterday. Mondays also consist of our volunteering for the college men's and women's bible studies at UT... you know, the one in which I don't get home until 11 PM and I'm an old woman and so I typically go to bed at 10 pm? Today is just a long day in general. I'd love to share this with others, perhaps even people at work, but that's impossible. I mean, not completely impossible, but here's the deal...

a. This one woman I work with apparently has a miserable life that consists of 18 after school activities that never let her be at home or do anything enjoyable ever. She is one of those no-nonsense funny people who also has a very grumpy side. Anyway, if you say anything about having a long day or something there is ALWAYS a response... or is it a competition? I'm not sure. But it involves something about how she didn't get home until even later than you (which I don't buy) and then she had to help with homework (her kids are old enough to do it themselves high school and 8th grade), and something for her husband (who is apparently unable to do anything around the house on his own.) So, clearly, her life is worse than yours (not that I'm attempting to say my life is AT ALL bad... this is just the turn of the competition.)

B. my admin asst... bless her heart, is the nicest woman. She's so sweet and constantly asks about my running and is always followed by the same response. This week, again mentioned running 18 miles on SUNDAY (so I haven't had a day of recovery.) She asked if I'm sore. I say, "yes." She says... wow, and that was only 18...Imagine that you have to run 26! Can I mention that I'm terrified of this? I'm already afraid that I won't be able to complete this distance. I mean, that's 8 more miles than I ran yesterday. SCARY. I don't want to walk. I have a POSSIBLY attainable goal in finishing in 4 hours and 15 minutes (though more likely between 4 hours and 20-30 minutes.) Ug. stop your mindless chatter.

C. Someone asked if I was going to keep going even though my legs hurt. She just assumed I'd stop. No. This will have been 6 months of effort. I'm not quitting now.

D. The people who say, "wow. I can't even run a mile." You can (most of you... agreed, not everyone.) You can push yourself and that's what this is about for me. No, I'm not a runner. I'll never be a runner, I'm simply someone who runs. I'm not the person who can not run for 6 months and then just go run 8 miles (like my hubs... though he is now running, and can kick my arse. I attribute this to his gazelle legs compared to mine.... clearly not the fact that he ran CC in college.) This is hard, but I am able. I am running for an amazing cause that has many personal reasons tied to it. Few of them know "why" I'm choosing to do this, and they haven't asked.. Which would be my first question when someone says they are going to do something crazy.

Anywhos, Mondays. I look forward to a weekend in which I have nothing planned (including a weekend without running), and no volunteer work on Monday nights. I know... that's terrible for me to say, but honest.

Cheers to the pool being open, though.. and heated.

In random other news... my mom has mentioned by birthday now 3 times and has consistently been wrong on the day (not necessarily the date). Awesome. Perhaps her decrepit old age of 31 years older than me is playing tricks on her mind.

Oh the events

Oh the events of my life. I'm quite important so important that I must post about things like finally getting new running shoes. I'm very excited about this whole event. I know, they're a little blingy, but hey... it's not about fashion (I desperately wanted him to bring out the very attractive purple ones, but alas.. my foot type apparently requires semi-hideous running shoes.) Who knew. I'm sure that these will enhance my running and make me very fast... or at least you can be distracted by the shiny-ness of them and then forget what you are looking at and in a flash I'm gone. This was yesterday.

This weekend was the long awaited hs reunion. Well, not that long awaited because we didn't plan enough in advance for a lot of people to come. It was fun, though. it was a small crowd, which eliminated cliques. Everyone looks the same, but older, and with more drinks in hand. I think this is a requirement--even people who may not drink regurally are required to have a t least a few drinks at the reunion. We all went out afterwards and had a merry (drunken) ole' time. This left me to recoup the next morning over fried catfish with the fams for lunch. It was a whirl wind weekend filled with lots of eating and running around. I'm pretty sure I gained mucho lbs this w/e because of all of the eating and lack of working out. Only ONE month until my race though! I can't wait for it to be here.

Ok, I should go back to work... you should also be happy for my new shoes.

chickpeas, dungarees, serendipidies...

Randoms. I am all jittery and excited about my efficient morning. SO, I'm out of town this weekend--the looming HS reunion has finally arrived. Therefore, I'm missing my group work out, and lets be honest, it just wouldn't get home with all of these fun activities we have planned... (and partly due to my laziness.) So, I needed to get my long run in yesterday. I came home and attempted to do my 10 miles, but my leg super hurt so I stopped at 3.5. Lamesness. Instead of that I cleaned and did laundry and gave Giz a bath and cooked dinner and started packing. (I have a problem leaving the house to go out of town when things are a mess... this is in part due to the fact that when I come back from being out of town I'm not so great at unpacking so it just adds to the mess if there is one already there.) I went to bed, set my alarm for 5 AM and hoped it wouldn't go off. It did. So I got up and got moving and did my 10 miles before the sun came up which is really nice. I was able to fold 2 loads of laundry and dry one, clean the bathroom, finish cleaning, finish packing, shower and get dressed and eat breakfast all before work! I think my caffienated gu is kicking me in the pants and making my brain move about 90 to nothin'

Later today the hubs the dogs and I head to Ft. Worth (along with like 80,000 of our fave UT fans headed to dallas for Texas OU weekend.) This travel ought to be ridiculous and copper filled. (just laughed at myself, because it sounds like copper field. yes, I realize that isn't funny.) Hopefully we will make it out of town in time to not be in the biggest part of traffic, fingers crossed. Tonight I'm going to venture to the NW Texan football stadium. It's massive and huge and so not where I cheered. It should be interesting to see it and to be back in the high school football culture. Oh yes, it's a culture--a culture filled with frito pie, big lights, lots of boys in very clean nickers who don't actually get to play, kids running around under the stadium, the band playing duh dun dun dunnas, and of course, the EMT who sits on the corner of the field in the case that there is an accident. Maybe I'll join in the fightsong. If only I still had my pom pons...
Tomorrow, I beleive we'll head to Justin (yes, my high school is in Justin, TX... where justin boots are made) and go to the outlet. I'm pretty sure I need boots. Then to Joe T's. I drool now. I will consume 1.5 margaritas and have a fajita salad and then go to the most awkward event ever. I believe this. I mean, 10 years... that means that people come back hoping to impress, hoping to have made something of themselves, hoping to have either outgrown who they were or to hold onto who they were. It's a tension that I believe will be semi-alleviated with a few adult beverages. Somehow, I think at 20 years, we're just happy to have a night out, catch up with other old people, and go home. Much less tension--except, I'm sure we'll "recall" the time 10 years prior when x person got so trashed and bla bla bla. Interesting predicament. It should be fun to see how it all plays out.
Anyway, I need to do some works. I'm so happy that it's Friday.

How things work

Umm.. I don't understand a lot of things...
multi-vitamins-whoa. How do you get all of those things in one pill? So confusing.
the dishwasher--where do those food elements go?
car batteries--why are they so heavy?
double bubble--not tasty. why do I crave it?
games--who decided that football was a game with all of these rules? how did that start?
hippos--you're cute, but what is your purpose?
running marathons--yes, I'm doing this, but I don't understand how it works--there may be death at the end.
iron supplements--you scare me, but I will take you.
bumper sticker madness--why do you need 18 stickers on your car?
satellites--what?
powdered--eggs, milk, etc. How did you become in powder form? Were you frozen and then tapped with a hammer and you turned into dust? ashes to ashes?
gas prices--I don't understand how you can have 9/10's of a penny
fractions--I don't get them, unless in pie form
crisco--???
good vs bad credit.

broke and broke down.

SO, I got up at 5:23 this morning so as to make it to track practice by 6. I'm up, unhappy about it, and tired--go out to the car, turn it... oh... not on. What? Why the heck won't my car start? Who knows. SO, I go back in and think, well I could just run here. But at this point it is only 5:45.. so I get done running and then what would I do? Wait for a couple of more hours until Ben gets up? So, I went out and proceeded to take Ben's car... Well, not that easy. Ifirst had to get the doors on it, put on a long sleeved jacket, get an ear muffler, and some gloves (it was cold this morning.) I make it. Yay. I come home and call BMW and no, that isn't under warranty. SUCK. Ben was able to start it by jumping it, but now i have to just sit and let it run with no guarantee that it will restart later. I'm considering takign this day as a loss (at work that is.) Just taking the day off and actually doing things around my house like... laundry and cleaning. We're going out of town this weekend and I hate coming back to a messy house. That, and I've been exhausted lately. I can't seem to find enough time to do all of the things I need to do. I am going to bed early enough and everything--I think part of it is mental. I've been training for 5 months, and I'm tired. I started taking a multi vitamin a couple of weeks ago and today I'm going to add a b complex vitamin (I'm low in B12 and was having shots for a while, but then got tired of going to the doc for it so I quit...oops) and an iron suppliment. Apparently people who are low in b vitamins have a hard time keeping thier iron (something more technical, but I don't recall the actual words.) This will supposedly help give me energy. We'll see.

So here I sit... worrying that my car is running in the garage. I'm afraid that it is going to explode or someone is going to steal it. Scary. So I'm watching Ellen to distract myself. Harry Connick Jr is supposedly on this week. I love him. I think he's a pretty man... and he was on Will and Grace so I think that makes him cuter.

Anywho... fingers crossed that I don't need a new battery in my car because apparently that isn't covered. Jerks.

UPdate... so my lovely husbandola came home and jumped my car again. I drove it to work and hopefully this will revive the battery? Keep your fingers crossed. I figured missing 3 hours is probably better than missing an ENTIRE day. I would prefer to save those for days when I don't have to wake up at 5:23 am.

Mythical Creatures.

So, I was reading my latest Health magazine yesterday. Sophia Bush, of One Tree Hill, is featured because she is apparently super healthy. Well, she counts herself, and the magazine apparently lets her count herself as "curvy" at a size 2. Apologies to all of you mythical people who are a size 2 (not sure I think this size exists in a natural environment), but you are not, nor will you ever be, curvy. You can be healthy and be a size 2. This can be "your size". You are just one of those teeny tiny people in the world--but you are not curvy. I guess what frustrates me is that we have these ideas of what is ideal and it's apparently "ideal" for everyone--even though it's not RIGHT for everyone (hint owning a house, 2.5 children, hetero relationships... how do you have 2.5 children anyway?) I'm all for living healthy--watching what you eat (I simply watch my frozen yogurt intake go up by the week), working out etc. I'm ALL for this, but I am also for a healthy body image, not a distorted one. I think it's hard for us to see ourselves the way others see us. I've been at the place where I need to lose weight, (yes other than 10th grade)... 1 year post marriage... I did not really noticed HOW MUCH weight I had gained. yikes. I see this more clearly when I look back at pictures. I definitely have an ideal size for myself that I believe to be healthy--even though when I am at that size, I still feel like I should lose weight. Can we ever be really happy with what we look like? Can people who make jeans realize that not everyone in the world is 5'10"? (thank you Joes for making a shorter length!)
One of my problems is when I need to lose weight--I occasionally lack the motivation to do anything about it--other than obsess about it in my mind and let those words fall out of my mouth. Then, all of a sudden I'm back on the band wagon and ready to cut my calories and stick to my 19 points. I'm wishy washy.
I've not been to the place where I need to gain weight... so I can't speak knowledgeably on this (I'll leave it to Sophia... kidding, I think she's adorable.)
I am concerned by our country. I'm concerned that we have tv shows where people have to go to lose weight. I am, oppositely, impressed with the amount of people every day who decide to make a healthy choice, a different choice, from what they would have made yesterday. It's hard to make the change and to start truly being healthy. How do we start? Where do we begin to find what is a "healthy weight" for each individual? I'm frustrated by the statments that if you are this height you should weigh this much. Um, when do you take into consideration muscle mass? (this coming from the girl who can't wear zip up boots because my calves are enormous. I hate them. hate hate hate.) Anywho....
This is all to say... there are women without curves, I long to be one, my husband longs for me to not be one. Where is the healthy medium? When will I stop eating emotionally and out of being bored? Probs never. In that case... I should probably keep running for life. At this point I'm eating whatever and whenever I'd like. One would think that a person training for a marathon should be super skinny--eh, this hasn't happened to me yet! I'll keep crossing my fingers and eating nachos, and praying for my legs to grow longer and skinnier.
And Sophia... go eat some cookies.

Confessions--not Augstine style.

I have eaten hotdogs from 7-11 (multiple times)
I love shoes.
I hate wire hangers. I curse them.
I have gray hair.
Ben worries I love our dogs more than I'll love our children.
I heart the color pink, but more than that... blue.
I love running.
I hate running.
I LOVE to read and Ben takes away my books so I can go to bed.
I do not paint my toe nails well.
I rarely purchase things full priced.
I get endorphin release from shopping.
I love wine.
I crave mac n cheese
I miss my girlfriends.
Linzie Treadway makes me laugh.
I always avoid praying outloud at family functions.
I'm always in search of the perfect pair of jeans.
I love Joe T's.
I have extreme guilt.
My dog snores.
When Ben talks in his sleep--I ask him questions.
I like 600 thread count sheets.
I love make up.
I would like to have someone do my hair for me.
I don't have very much jewelry.
I like strategy games.
I love my family.
Ben and I have been together for 11 years.
I am moved by communion--every time.
I got my ears pierced in kindergarten behind my moms back... thanks Nanny!
I like the smell of soap.
I love babies.
I listen in on other peoples convos while out at dinner.
I like presents.
I like to be surprised.
I like dinner.
I hate the word "vat" in regards to a large amount of food
I hate the word "patty" in reference to food. ew. chicken patty.
I don't like mouth noises.
I am scared of bingo arms.
I had a perm in 10th grade.

Yikes.

Le sigh...

As you may or may not be aware--I am a spender. I like to shop--I like to wonder around Target and lose myself--purchasing anything or not. I carefully weigh my purchasing choices, rarely making any spur of the moment decisions, I keep my tags on my items until I decide I am going to keep them--I am at least, a practical spender.

I also pride myself on being aware of the environment and somewhat aware of our finances. I go in phases of being ridiculously obsessed with saving--time, money, electricity...

So in my $ saving endeavors I get overwhelmed by the things that seem to come all at once that I need. Boys do not understand this needing of such items. I need (in no partic's order) new running shoes, I need new face lotion, I need some new closed toe shoes, I need to provide a shower for the sis, I need a new outfit for my high school reunion, and I need to get my hair cut and colored. These are all necessities and not options. I'm on the search for the perfect outfit for my 10 year reunion that makes me look like I've not tried to hard, threw these things together, 20 lbs lighter than I am, and infinitely more attractive than anyone has ever seen me in my life. Agreed... this search is proving to be more difficult than I had originally thought. I'm at a loss for what to do. I have attempted to plan out my shopping extravaganza this weekend, but am simply feeling overwhelmed currently. Though I am a shopper, I despise shopping for specific items. I much prefer to happen upon them and make statements like--"Look at these things I got today--all of them an additional 50% off!" I never purchase anything full price--this makes me thrifty. The hubs disagrees. He seems to think that if you spend $100 on 8 things, you're still spending $100. Clearly, he suffers from man brain. It's the thrill of the purchase--knowing the good deal made. Justification in numbers. I could save this economy yet.
Speaking of...In this "financial crisis" (which I choose to avoid due to not really understanding) I hope that they will lose my student loans. Why can't the slate just be wiped clean? What harm will that do? I mean, it's all of this fictional money that seems to be lost anyway. (yes, I'm sure can leave me a diatribe about how this isn't the case and give me reasons for why... but much as when I wonder aloud 'how things work' and Ben begins to explain... I tell you--I don't really want to understand. I'm just musing to make myself sound more intelligent. ) It is a lot of room to take up in my brain to keep this knowledge afloat. I prefer to fill my memories with what I wore for my 5th grade school picture, what bath and body works scent I wore the summer that I worked at a camp for a couple of weeks and Ben was out of town and we wrote letters back and forth (1998,) the color of the ribbon on my grandmothers piece of white china that held pennies, the taste of her double mint gum, inside jokes, and WW points for certain foods.
Anyway, back to student loans. I think I've mentioned this before--but I'm relatively sure that they are the devil. They are out there tempting you--leading you astray, making you feel good about yourself as you attend your higher education private institution, letting you pay your bills, your rent, that extra drink on a night out--and then WHAM, you have to pay them back! They cause guilt, anger, resentment, loss of memory, pain in the ass. But, it's GOOD debt. Um, no. perhaps this is how we got in this situation believing that things are "Good debt" eh? I'll pay you with this fictional money that the frickin government gave me because I'm poor, but not actually teaching me that I should perhaps attend a STATE SCHOOL and not a private one. Jerks. Hey, I know... why don't you also "pretend" to give this fake money to other countries so they'll like us better... that won't cause any problems. Right? Perhaps the government has brainwashed me and this is why I'm a spender who has the dual personality of a saver? It's quite the predicament.

SO here I sit at work--feeling overhwelmed by my good debt, desperately wanting a nap, desperately wanting to go home--trying to figure out when I'm going to grocery shop, how I'm going to clean my house before the FIL gets in this afternoon, keep the house clean before the MIL gets in on Monday, run 20 miles, find the perfect outfit, get my hair done, nap, read Wicked, watch sex in the city, catch up on my missed shows this week because I've been doing something EVERY NIGHT, and volunteer on Sunday at something I no longer want to volunteer with simply because I feel the need for rest. suggestions?

Always and Forever

So, the last posting is a little.. blech, so I thought I'd add one for today that isn't quite there. I actually thought about this yesterday. You know how a song plays and you're taken back to a certain time? Well, I downloaded a couple of Scrubs soundtracks off of itunes the other day (specifically seasons 1 and 2) because that show has ah-mazing music. Well, one of the songs, The Question by Old 97's is a beautifully sweet song that not only did Carla and Turk get engaged to, but so did some of my very very favorite people in the whole world (we were there.) Anyway, I was listening it as I was driving to track practice on Wed. morning at 5:45. It just conjured up all kinds of emotions and thoughts and thinking about the night that Ben and I got engaged and it was like it was yesterday. So wonderful. It's hard to believe that we have been together for 11 years!! Ridiculous. But anyway, in other sweetness I love this song and it makes me think of the hubs.

Always and Forever--Cory Morrow

I need you cause I love you always and forever
And I love you cause I've known you always and forever
well time it flys and time it runs by
and time will run out on us soon
your eyes filled with tearsf rom fighting your fears
searching for who you are and I will be here waiting my dear
always and forever
I need you cause I love you
always and forever
well I love you cause I've known you
always and forever
The moon and stars and the sun stretches far shining for all to veiw
eternally bound they light up the ground never once being untrue
and you are for me a light which I need
always and forever
I need you cause I love you
always and forever
and I love you cause I've known you
always and forever
always and forever

If I have learned anything from SVU...

Yes. I watch L&O... another reason I'm old.

Moving on. SO last night, I was in bed (at 10:30, but I can blame this on the bottle of wine we shared at sushi) and my mom called me. She had just seen somethinig on the news that I HAD to go see. So, I have grown up in a small town church in the UMC and actually am still a member there, though I've been gone for 10 years. Yah, I know... that should be changed. Anyway, neither here nor there in this sitch. So, in the UMC our pastors move. Their current one has been there for 2 years. He's not on my list of topics for the day, though. The PREVIOUS one, the one I knwe as a counselor at senior high camp while a high school student, the one who came to the church with his boring wife and 2 unruly, yet adorable children, the one who for the last 2 years has been at another church, adopted a foreign daughter, and been involved in a group process with TMF.... has been arrested on charges of child pornography. What? Channel 8 says on suspicions of... but they have pretty documented info.

SVU language--um, he's been on some chat room and isn't smart enough to change his email addres and the rather attractive female investigator has been pretending to be either a. into it as well or b. the child.

Real life--he is being arraigned today and I suppose that this will provide more information for the general public.

I am distressed and disturbed. I mean, yes, I watch all types of Law and Order and yes I know taht there is also infedelity, I know that people kill people, and I know that people steal, but I don't KNOW it. Imean, I do. I'm not completely niave. These things just do not typically happen in my world (well, except my con-cousin... different posting all together. Probably one that involves him telling my mom when she asked why he is in jail, "I steal cars. That's what I do.") Anyway... back to this topsyturvy world.

UM WHAT? A. the pic they have of him online is totally creepster. B. They arrested him AT the church. I think that's kind of crap, but whatevs.

Kind of lucky/unlucky for him... the church is rallying behind him. They can't believe it's true.. and hopefully it isn't. But, in their rallyng behind him and it is true... this is devastation. Devastation anyawy because it's happening, but also because hope, faith, and trust have been broken. I believe that we are all created to be good. I don't believe in hell, (no stick me with the theologians who believe in the void... one in particular whom I couldn't get through systematics wtihout.) Dang you free will. Dang you choice. Dang you who are created in the Imago Dei and also have mental discrepencies that hurt so many more than yourself. I pray this isn't true. but in reality, when their is substantial evidence, it probably is. It has yet to be determined if he was viewing this or creating it. Ick. Either way, Ick.

So here we sit in the despair. He were sit in the time of wait. The time when there is still hope for the part of the world that we've created in our minds to be true. Here is the time where we sit with that... and in the part of the world that we fear to be true. Here we sit in our selfishness--How does this affect me and my faith? Here we sit in the protection of others--What about his children? What about his wife? What about every person who has ever trusted him as a fearless leader?

Here we also begin to wrestle with the image of a Reverend. We have expectations of their call, of their morality, of their ability to protect and control situations. Here is when we begin to recognize that people are people. People are not perfect--even pastors. Here we begin to wonder, as a congregation as humankind, if we create so much pressure for those we hold in leadership positions that they simply can't make it. No, I'm not saying this is anyone elses fault. I'm saying we need to care for everyone... everyone needs someone to care for them and to not just be caring for others.

I'm not quite sure how to end this post.... I'm not sure why I am even writing about it. I suppose it is a deep sadness that I feel for the world. Ben and I discussed that there are so many positions within the church/social work arena for which I would be good... but it would ruin my life because I can't handle it. I dont' think I'd lose my view of God in others. I just have hypochondria (I have had many many illnesses not limited to avian flu, west nile, ebola, ecoli, and the chicken pox--that one is real) ... and sympathetic hypchondria to be exact. I ache with others. I'm a sympathetic cryer. This is me--I view myself as a general emotions in check, don't show a lot, but then when deeply pained others or others whom I deeply care for are hurt, it's all on.

Ok. I have to stop writing. I have to keep my internet on full alert of any more information regarding this situation. I have to go back to work...

Oldy McOlderson

So, Ben and I got asked to be the adult supervision/leaders for the UM college bible study at UT. We agreed--what a great way to volunteer, be involved, do things we like... Someone forgot to mention to me that this event, though it says it starts at 8:30, doesn't start until about 9:15 and finish around 10:30!! It was almost 11 PM when I got home last night.

Yes, I just said that. I'd like to blame all of this early to bedding on training for a marathon--I get up early, I excercise, bla bla bla... but the truth of the matter is... I've always gone to bed early (kind of.) I like lay in bed and read or watch scrubs before I sleep. I am currently enjoying my newest Texas Monthly with a beautiful picture of my secret lover on the cover.

I know some youngsters (I can call them this now that I'm old) that really think that married people are boring and lame. And then, Ben and I will remind them that we are indeed married, and most likely more fun than them (that last part doesn't really happen--but I think it) and they say things like, "Oh... ya'll aren't normal married people." Um, are married people everywhere giving us a bad name? And now I am joining the list as an oldie, but a goodie as my bed time nears the news hour? Does this also give me the excuse to tell people what I think of them and blame it on my age? (PS, 29 in like one month) And yes, I did just tell my husband I probably won't join him and his friends for a drink tonight because HOUSE is on. I mean, they don't meet until 8:30ish and I have to BE at track practice at 6 AM... which means about a 5:20 awake time. These are the same people that don't start parties until like 10 or something crazy. I know I know... In college we did this all the time. I'm run down. My liver doesn't function like it used to. People notice if I don't show up for work. I DO need to shower before coming in (febreeze, just doesn't do the trick.) I actually have things to do on Saturadys like running and laundry and going to bed bath and beyond if I have time.

SO there has it. I am giving a bad name to the marrieds. I'm affirming the thoughts that we are old and boring. But hey... I'm training for a marathon.

42 miles to go...

SO, this weekend I accomplished the large feet of running 18 miles. I've never run this far and find it absurd that I have done this. what is even crazier is that this is even further in Austin. Yes, 18 miles in Austin is like running 30 miles elsewhere. What? This makes no sense? Here is the explanation. If people live in Austin and have to drive more than 10 miles to get to their destination it's just soooooooooooooo far away. Seriously, they will consider not going to this destination because it's just too far away. What? We had to drive like 30 minutes just to get to the grocery store when I was growing up. Um, it takes like a grand total of 30 minutes to get from one side of Austin to the other... this is including the very very far reaching tips of the city. Anyway, enough of my rant.

I died a little around mile 13. Seriously. We had just run past Hyde Park Cafe and Had 5 miles to go and I think a little death settled in. I had my 3rd chocolage outrage gu at mile 13 (one for breakfast, one around mile 7 and the final at 13). I was hoping to hold out until 15, but again... I think perhaps Jesus may live in the chocolate outrage. I believe in it. So there I was trotting along about 1.5 miles from the end of the run with my friend Stacy and here comes this guy runing past us in... I kid you not... grey boxer briefs. Hilarious. I feel for the children he was running towards, but a funny sight to behold nonetheless. I finished. I finished in about 3 hours and 15 minutes. This is not a quick pace, mind you. it's actually a lot slower than I'd like to admit. I think I'm letting it slide because it aws a long distance. I tell myself that should it be a much much shorter distance I would have gone much faster. we'll see. My initial goal for this marathon is to complete it. Simply cross the finish line. My real goal, though is to finish under 4 hours and 15 minutes. NOt sure that this is a possability, but I want it to be.

I came home and ice bathed for 20 minutes (which again... I think JC may reside in the theraputicness of the ice bath) and then headed to La Morada to eat sloppy nachos. I have been wanting to try these amazing nachos for quite some time, and today I gave myself the chance. They were amazing (despite the fact that It was hard for me to walk and get in/out of Ben's jeep.) They were glorious chips covered in queso (not just cheese), jalapenos, tomatoes, onions, and fajita meat. I have favorite nachos at Jocks n Jills in the ATL and these came close!! I went home, napped, showered, got dressed and we went to tailgating for the RICE vs UT game. I had some delusion prior that I could wear heals to this event. Negative. We had to park and walk and I would have cursed life if I had to do that. Than goodness for the flops. It was a nice time. I also ate a hamburger. Not going to lie I think I consumed more calories than burned on this day. No worries as I was in bed by 10:30 that night. I'm awesome. Awesomely lame.

Sunday was great. We didn't do a whole lot. We went to Whole Foods and ate lunch and watched as Mecca (WF's) called to extremey cute and extremly pregnat women. Then we went to REI and wandered around and I got a light to run with and a new BPA free nalgene. I'm sure that I'm healthier. It's also pink. It's my first venture into the narrow mouth naglene. I'm a fan.

Anyway, so that's that. Tonight we volunteer with teh college bible study. It's ok, and all... but really far away from our house (again, read more than 10 miles) and they don't start until 9:30 PM. If this were mentioned in the original information I would not be doing this. I'm old. I'm married. I go to bed early :) What can I say?

Double your flavor double your fun

So, this is something I've been thinking about/noticing for a while now but keep forgetting to post. I'm not sure if I've been tainted by reading the book The Giver in 9th grade or what...But, what I have noticed is that A LOT pastors (probably other faith based leaders as well... but I have more connection within Christianity) have blue eyes. Seriously, I've started to try to be intentional about noticing this to see if I could create a study and make millions of dollars. Ok, that isn't complete truth, but it is something in which I try to note. I wonder why this is... probably because Jesus had blue eyes. I learned that from my small town church growing up. Anyway, these are my random thoughts...

Tried to make me go to rehab and I said no no no

Ok... not at all the truth. I took my first venture to Advanced Rehab yesterday. My hamstring has been hurting for a month, and not getting any better, and then 2 weeks ago my left foot began to hurt as well (most likely because I'm running funny from my hammy hurting.) Anyway, Dr. Z was awesome. he manipulated my leg all around, and I'm not going to say it was pain free because it was not. He told me that getting down to the very very very basic root of the matter is that I am not in fact built like a runner-- thin, long legs, long muscles.No no... I'm created like a gymnast--not as tall, stocky, big ol' fat muscles. Not that Shawn Johnson is fat... but you get my point. I'm never going to have the long spindly legs of my dreams. I'm never going to be able to wear tall zip up boots. Nope, because early in life I worked out too much, my quads and calves became too developed and now my hamstrings are lacking. This is the gist of the problem. Yowsas. But, Dr. Z promised he'd get me through the marathon. He said he didn't promise it to be pain free, but I'd finish. Now, I'm supposed to go 2x a week. I believe in miracles... where you are? you sexy thing.

So now I sit here at work... with a slight pain in my arse because of the miraculous work that happened yesterday. I ran this morning and I could tell a definite difference... and, it was COLD this morning at track practice! And it was dark. I believe this is all contributing to my exhaustion today. That and ugly hair. Ok, that doesn't make me tired, but it makes me look very melon headish. Not attractive by any means.

And, just so you are aware, my race is only 2 months from yesterday. The crazy thing is that by that time I will have been training for 6 MONTHS. That's half a year in human time. Maybe I'll change my name to Pecola and Toni Morrison can write another book about how all I want is a long skinny runners body and it will happen. I'm pretty sure she has the ability to do this, only this time without the racism, molestation, abuse. This time we'll include other pains like 4 hour runs, crazy humidity, and an insatiable appetite. I think perhaps I'm ruining a true literary genius by my cloudy mind. Forgive me.

Um, and to close my little tale... why the hell on "proposed labels" is one of the options "scooters?". Weird. Is it like on facebook where the ad on mine says something like "28 and need to lose weight?" Is it telling me I need a scooter?

Do you're homework.

I am annoyed... with one of the things on my favorite things. TNT has failed me. Ok, this isn't true, but I'm still frustrated. So, I'm doing a smaller race, no, not the Nike. There are 14 of us traveling to SA in November. I've asked a while ago where we would be staying and JUST TODAY they sent something out about our accomodations. Well. A. it's expensive. I have to pay for ben to stay with me since I'm not going to room with another participant. B. My family and friends can't stay there beacuse it's booked (and expensive.) So, I started calling other hotels and... if the homework had been done prior to today I probably wouldn't have found that like EVERY hotel in the city is booked except for a couple of smoking rooms. Gross town. Who stays in those? (ok, obvi answer is people who smoke.)

I am a planner. I admit it. I'm a planner ESPECIALLY when other people are relying on me. I read yesterday that perhaps I am one of the people who agonize a bit too much over decisions and do too much research so then I debate and take more time than should be taken to make a person optimally happy. I'm not sure where this research took place, but that is the category into which I fall. It works for me.. and it works out for me... ultimately finding good deals and being aware of options. At least i HAVE options.

Ug. I guess it all falls down to respecting other persons (or at least I say it falls to this because I like to think that I respect other peoples--opinions, time, finances etc.) Aka.. I don't think any meeting should last more than an hour. If you are being efficient all things should be taken care of by then. If not, hold a follow up meeting. As a friend says... all meetings should be done standing up.

So now my mom is out there reserving away on hotel options... so she has choices. I am now sitting and waiting for the response from the person who is "in charge" of these arrangements. I want to see how this goes. Arg. I know. Harsh words.

Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens

brown paper packages tied up with strings... these are a few of my favorite things. (I should have added the sound of music. I could reenact the entire film for you.)

Anywho, a little description on the things on my list that are in random order other than
1. Ben, Giz, and the Mags.
2. Target. If could only shop one place for the rest of my life it would be super target. They have everything I need.
3. Sprinkles Fro-Yo. I've described in previous posts my affinity for the frozen yogurt. This place is amazing. 6 rotating taps of yogurt and like 50 different topping options (some healthy)
4. Maru- Ben and I eat here basically once a week. it's good, cheap sushi and BYOB. which brings me to
5. Wine. I like it.
6. Cheeses. Love them.
7. Team in Training-this is such an inspirational group and I love the concept and all the ladies I've met!
8. Kitchenaid stand mixer. mmm dreamy
9. real simple magazine--because yes, I am a 35 year old woman longing to find uses for the ordinary to make them extraordinary
10. picture of sushi--redundant. I apologize.
11. Nike Tempo Track shorts. I love the colors and the way they fit.
12. Nike +. it works with my ipod to track my runs, my distance, my average pace, calories etc. Don't leave home (running) without it.
13. Curel original- This lotion is awesome. I read about it years ago, or maybe heard about it on the View or something. Lots of hospitals use it. It keeps my skin soft.
14. Citizens of Humanity jeans. Love jeans. Love these jeans.
15. Dr. Wiels Face Serum from Origins. This product is expensive, but lasts fo-eva. It's amazing and I don't want to give it up.
16. Laura Geller baked balance and brighten, bronze and brighten and the blush (that I can't remember the name.) This is a great face care product that's sheer-medium coverage and mineral makeup.
17. Laura Geller eye spackle--it is a great eye base that makes your eye makeup last ALL day. Loves it.

I could think of many more "things I like" but I'll stop here.

Where God closes a door somewhere he opens a window.

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens